


Recollection

by infinitysurvivor



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Anger, Blood, Boy's Love, Bullying, Character Death, Cheating, Cliffhanger, Coming Out, Depression, F/F, F/M, Just Some Other Random Shit, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Prostitution, Rape, Self-Harm, Substance Abuse, Suspense, Wakes & Funerals, Weddings, girl's love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-01-16 16:09:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 32,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1353577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitysurvivor/pseuds/infinitysurvivor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren has recurring dreams of a short French man which are too familiar to him to be "just a dream". He decides to find out what the dreams mean, why he's having them, and just exactly what the short French man is to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Eren

**Author's Note:**

> Song recommendation for the chapter: Every Night by Imagine Dragons  
> Notes at the end~

****

       I woke up to see that it was already eight o’clock in the morning. “Shit,” I murmured as I rolled out of bed. _I’m already an hour late to school_. I thought to myself while grabbing a green hoodie with wings on the back. _Why didn't anybody try to contact me to wake me up?_  
     

       I grabbed my phone off the night stand after pulling on a pair of pants and saw that, in fact, I had 13 missed calls from Mikasa, and 17 text messages from Armin. How did I sleep through that? Oh, yeah. The dreams.  
     

       I've been having weird dreams lately. They’re different each night, but they always have the same person in it. Who’s the person? I’m not sure. All I know is that he’s a short French man with grey eyes and raven black hair. Well, I’m not sure if his eyes were grey or blue… maybe a mix between the two?  
       

      Anyways, in these dreams I always seem to be with him. I don’t say his name, but he says my name a lot. As soon as the dream starts I’m in an apartment. He says, “Welcome back Eren.” I don’t know how to respond, so I wave. This dream happens a lot. After a while, we end up sitting on his couch (at least I think it’s his couch) and watch horror movies. Somehow, we end up cuddling. This isn't strange to me in my dream, but when I wake up it is most definitely strange. I’m not gay… right? I've got a girlfriend named Mikasa. Then again, didn't we only start dating because she didn't want to let anybody else have me? I don’t remember.

      Back to the short French guy, how did I know he was French? He told me once in the dream. Weird, right? Of course I managed to remember that but I couldn't remember his name when I woke up. _Ravioli? No, that wasn't it._ It was French though. He often wore my clothes in the dreams. Two things that were clear to me about him were that he smoked and had tattoos.  
Other times in the dreams we’re not in an apartment. Once we were at a donut shop, the one down the block actually. I sit at a table and he comes in a little later, orders a coffee, then sits with me. I have these dreams almost every night.

  
      Here’s the strange thing about dreams: your brain can’t create new places or people that you've never seen before. Somehow, I must have been to the apartment before, meaning I must of seen the short French guy somewhere before too. Why was a stranger impacting my life so much?

* * *

      I ran up to the steps of my university as quickly as I could with my backpack hanging halfway off my shoulder.

      “Eren!” I heard a familiar voice call. Quickly, I turned around.

      “Oh, hey Mikasa,” I smiled at her. She didn't smile back though.

       “Where have you been?!”

_The answer should be obvious, figure it out Mikasa._

      “In bed,” I replied calmly.

      “Why?” She snapped while crossing her arms in a judgmental way.

      “Well, sometimes I need to sleep.”

      “Don’t be such a dick, Eren.”

       I rolled my eyes at that; she returned my look with a glare. Thankfully, Armin appeared in the next moment with his textbook and a coffee.

      “Hey Eren,” he greeted enthusiastically as he ran up to us.

      “Hey Armin,” I waved. When he caught up to us he took a sip of his coffee then glanced between us, sensing the uneasiness in the air.

     “Am I interrupting something?” He gulped.

     “Nothing. Nothing at all.” Mikasa scoffed. Armin shrank back.

     “Well we better get to class, Professor Pixis may be eccentric and drunk half the time but he’s strict.” Offered Armin as he clutched his textbook tighter.

     “Good idea.” I smiled as I turned away from Mikasa. It was always like this with us. She snapped at me, and I shrugged it off. We weren't a good pair at all, but it kept other people away; and that’s all I needed right now. 

* * *

    Pixis’s class was strange as always. His classroom was in the basement and it had a strange checkerboard style floor. There were tons of candles burning everywhere too; even though they weren’t permitted in closed off spaces like this.

    Of course, none of this mattered to Pixis. On the ceiling were lanterns that had weird designs on them. One had a green unicorn, another had red roses, a different one above his desk had two swords, and the last one had the same design of the back of my hoodie. Two wings, one blue and one white.

    “Okay everybody take your seats and pull out your textbook then read or something…” Pixis murmured as he collapsed into his swivel chair.

     In my class there was Mikasa, Armin, and a couple other kids named Annie, Marco, and Sasha. The rest of the people we didn’t care about.

    “Hey Eren, do you have any food?” Sasha asked hungrily while poking me with a pencil.

    “No, sorry Sasha. I was a little late this morning.” I laughed nervously while scratching the back of my head. Then, Mikasa glanced over. _What does she want now? Am I not allowed to talk to other girls?_

    Sasha seemed to notice and turned to Mikasa “Hey Mika-“she was cut off by a granola bar being shoved into her mouth.

    “Here.” Growled Mikasa as she turned around to take notes from her text book. Somehow, Sasha didn't sense the hostility. She simply just smiled and returned to reading a book.

    That was the thing about Pixis’s class, he didn't care what we did. It was really confusing why we were here in the first place. _Oh yeah, Armin made us take this class._ I thought to myself while sighing. _Well, I might as well get some work done._

    I pulled out a small spiral notebook and grabbed a text book with the name ‘Understanding Art’ by Lois Fichner-Rathus. I didn't enjoy the book very much, it was just something to pass my time.  
Annie gave the book to me a while ago when she caught me doodling in class back when Pixis actually tried to teach us something. She said I could probably get really good at art if I put my mind to it. It hadn't crossed my mind until she said it, but I realized art was something I really enjoyed. So, she gave me the text book.

    I thought about what I wanted to do with my future as I flipped through the text book. _Did I want to be an artist? Did I want to start a business? Did I want to be a doctor?_ That last one I scratched off my mind almost as quickly as it appeared there. My dad is a doctor, and I hate him.

    He left the family a while back when we were struggling to pay for food and well, anything. He wanted me to be a doctor so I could take over his company as the head doctor. When I was little, this was the coolest idea in the world. But now, I’m not so sure.

    Being a doctor is stressful. Other people’s lives are in your hand; and I can’t deal with that stress with all the other shit going on in my life.

    First of all: I've got my crazy, obsessive, over protective girlfriend to deal with first. The second issue: the short French dream guy. It shouldn’t bother me this much, but I want to know who he is. Third issue: my mom is still suffering with expenses for the house and food. Mikasa and Armin are both trying to help me pay for it, but it’s not as easy as it seems. Fourth issue: I have to deal with the horse-faced asshole Jean. He attempted to make my life a living hell at any chance he could get. Fifth issue: my dad was trying to make his way back in my life again after sleeping with tons of my classmates and people at least twenty years younger than him. So really, I didn't have room to put other people’s lives before mine.

* * *

    “Eren.” I glanced up from my notebook to see Marco waving at me. “You there, buddy?”

    “Huh? Yeah sorry.” I groaned.

    “It’s okay. Class is over.” He smiled at me. I really liked Marco. Not in the way I liked the short French dude, but in the way I liked Armin.  
Marco is a boy I met in high school. His parents got divorced when he was little but they got along alright so they decided on split custody. Sometimes, Marco wishes he lived with just one parent though. It’s frustrating having to drag your things back and forth between houses. If you have something you really want to wear for the next day but you can’t wear because a piece of the outfit is missing since it’s at the other house; it’s a bit frustrating.

    Still, he always wears a smile and doesn't let anybody ruin his mood. I think it’s partially because of his little sister, Isabelle. We all call her Izzy though. She gets picked on a lot at school because she’s short and frankly she’s a lot prettier than other girls which makes her the perfect target. Sometimes, her grades slip from all the pressure and her dad beats her. She doesn't have the same dad as Marco, so he can’t protect her when she goes to the other house. Somehow, she doesn't fall apart though. Even so, Marco feels it’s his job to make sure she’s always happy. Sometimes I wish I had somebody in my life like Marco.

* * *

    “Want to grab lunch?” Asked Annie as we walked through a rather empty hallway.

    “It’s only ten in the morning.” I laughed while glancing through a pamphlet about how to take care of a cat.

    “It’s never too early for lunch. If we go now, there won’t be much of a line.” She pointed out.

    “True, but what about all the people that eat breakfast late?” I objected.

    “Do you want food or not?” She snapped.

    “Okay. We can eat lunch.” I whimpered with a small chuckle.

     Why was I friends with Annie? I’m not really sure. Somewhere along the way I met her in a gym and saw her sparing with guys at least twice her size. Needless to say; I was captivated. I approached her shortly after she was done, slightly afraid she was going to deck me too. But, she didn't.

    We ended up getting coffee together after we finished up at the gym. We talked about simple things; what things we were interested in, what kind of books we read, what college we went to. That was how I found out she went to Trost, like me. The best part about the coffee was, it wasn't intimate. Anybody walking by could easily tell we weren’t on a date; that we were just friends. That’s another thing I liked about Annie; she was quiet, and she didn't make things bigger than they needed to be. She was short (physically too) about certain topics and said what needed to be said. I would never dream of dating Annie. (Partially because all I dreamed about was a short French guy with amazingly fair skin and features that were far more majestic than any artist could paint.) Annie was only my friend, and everybody knew it.

* * *

     Mikasa didn’t like Annie. Not a lot of people did, but Mikasa hated her. Not because I hung out with Annie more than I was around her, but because their personalities clashed too much. Annie was laid back, Mikasa was uptight. Annie let the subject drop if it didn't concern her, Mikasa would keep pushing until she found out every last detail. On the other hand, Armin and Annie got along really well.

     Annie paid attention in school, so she and Armin could have ongoing conversations about weird geography things for hours. It was nice that they got along, I didn't need Armin pushing her away too.

    “Eren, you okay?” She asked while peering over her book, ‘Tricks’ by Ellen Hopkins.

    “Yeah sorry just thinking.” I responded hazily while poking my frosted flakes with my spoon.

    “About?” She set her book down. This was unlike her.

    “Well, you and Armin.” I set my spoon down.

    “I meant in general. Something has been on your mind lately. You don’t draw as much, you keep snapping at Mikasa although I don’t blame you on that one, you keep conversations short, what’s going on?” I sensed a little bit of uneasiness in her voice. _I can tell Annie, right?_ So I did. I told her everything about my dreams and how I can’t focus on Mikasa.

    “So you’re saying you’re in love with a guy from your dreams?” She proposed.

    “W-what?!” I stammered while a blush crawled upon my face.

    “That’s what it sounds like. I mean you dream of him, but not only that. You dream of cuddling with him and kissing him. I think you’re in love with this guy, whoever he is.” Somehow, that made sense.

     "I’m not even sure if he’s real!” I objected.

    “Well, your brain can’t make up new people or places can it? No. So maybe in your past life, you were with him.” She said this so casually.

    “But reincarnation?! That’s crazy!” I couldn't believe it, there’s no way. “I’m not gay either!” I retorted.

    “I’m not so sure about that.” She muttered while smirking.

     “Wait are you serious?” I quavered.

    “Figure it out for yourself.” She laughed quietly while returning to her book.

    So, I did. I thought about it for the rest of this so called lunch. It was certainly a possibility, and it would make sense as to why I wasn’t attracted to Mikasa as much as I should be.

    Maybe I was gay, but I didn't feel attraction to any other boys besides the short French guy. Did I even feel attraction to him? He’s just in my dreams… right? Although, when I woke up I felt overjoyed. It was nice being able to sit with him in my dreams and just vent out all my problems. Then, a crazy idea popped in my head.

    “Hey Annie, do people share dreams sometimes?” I asked while drumming my pencil on the table.

    “It could be a possibility. I’ll ask Armin about it later. Do you think you might be sharing dreams with the angry, short French guy?” She raised her eyebrow.

    “Hey, he’s not angry!” I objected.

    “With the way you described his glare, he doesn't seem the most enjoyable person to be around.” She recalled.

    “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” I shot back quietly while returning to my notebook.

    “Well, you don’t have much room to talk.” She retorted.

    “What do you mean?” I wondered.

    “You know him from dreams. You don’t even remember his name, so how can you say you know his personality?” She had a point.

    “Okay, I get what you’re saying. In the dreams he’s really sweet to me, but in reality he could be a douche. Anyways, the Ravioli I know is kind and caring.” I took a sip of my coffee and turned my eyes away from Annie’s.

    “Ravioli?” She laughed.

    “His name is something like Ravioli. I don’t remember it, give me a break.” My cheeks turned a little bit redder than they should have out of embarrassment.

   “French name that sounds like Ravioli… I’ll look into it and see if I can find one.” With that, she grabbed her books and stood up from the table.

   “Thank you, Annie.” I smiled up at her as she got up.

   “Don’t mention it.” She waved as she walked away from the table.

   “Don’t tell Mikasa about this!” I shouted after her with a little bit of uneasiness in my voice.

   She turned around then chuckled. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” Then, she walked out of the cafeteria.

   Armin ended up finding a bunch of articles about people sharing dreams. Somewhere along the way, Armin found out about my dreams of Ravioli and decided to help out.  
As I flipped through the pages of the books and articles, I found a reoccurring theory. Everybody who was sharing dreams with another person was thinking the same thoughts as the partner whom they shared the dream with. If I was sharing a dream with Ravioli, was he thinking of me too?

    I decided to run this theory by Armin. “I don’t know, Eren.” He groaned while running his fingers through his hair. Armin had a big test up, and he certainly did not want to be bothered with my dream theories right now.

    “Sorry, Armin. I just want to know what all this means.” I sighed while burying my head in my hands.

    Finally, he looked up at me and I noticed the dark circles under his eyes from sleepless nights of studying. “How about you ask your girlfriend about all this? She has a right to know, Eren.”

    He had a point, but I didn’t want Mikasa knowing about my intimate dreams with a man. “I don’t want her to be mad at me. You know how she gets.”

    “How who gets?” I heard a voice behind me snap.

    I turned around to see the one and only, Mikasa. “Oh hey, Mika.” I laughed nervously. I received a glare from her as she slid in the seat between me and Armin.

    “What are you looking at?” She asked while glancing at the packet between my hands.

    “Ah, it’s not important.” I tucked the packet into an art textbook sitting on the table. Luckily, she didn’t ask questions like she normally did. I silently thanked tests for making my girlfriend too exhausted to argue with me.

    She pulled out a text book and flipped through the pages. I think she was reading about animal abuse. Seems like something she would research on.

     After about an hour I decided to get a drink from the drinking fountain located right outside the library. As I stepped out, I saw a hoodie that matched mine. Dark green with the wings on the back. The hoodie clung to the body of a man about two inches shorter than me. That wasn’t the shocking part though.

    “Eren?”


	2. Rivaille

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi's POV, his perspective on the dreams with Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song recommendation for this chapter: Raging Fire by Phillip Phillips  
> Notes at the end~

**  
**

     Lately, something has been pestering me. I’m fully aware of the situation, it’s just pissing me off.

     It started about a year ago, I had a dream where a boy (at least four years younger than me) came into my apartment. At first, I just welcomed him; but something wasn’t right in the dream. It just felt, off.

     Out of instinct, I ignored it. Why would I waste my time on it, right? Then, the dream happened again. Except this time, the brat talked.

     Back then, I thought it was only a dream. Now, I’m not so sure. I remember his name, even though he never told me. _Eren Jaeger._

     I popped a cigarette in my mouth and lit in then ruffled my fingers through my hair. _Damn, why is this brat stressing me out so much?_ _He’s just in my dreams!_ I rethought that last sentence for a minute. Was he really just in my dreams?

     Slowly, I started to realize that the places we go in my dreams are places I’ve been before. For example, the donut shop I worked at in college that’s down the street from the apartment complex that Petra lives in. Another example is the seven-eleven where a shooting was recently. Why did a seven-eleven seem romantic? It wasn’t, but somehow I grew attached to it.

     Recently I would find myself in places that I see him in my dreams. I’ll go to my old university, Trost, I’ll stop by the donut shop, and I’ll swing by the seven-eleven to grab groceries. He’s never at those places though.

     I felt my phone in my pocket buzz picked it up right away. With some false hope that it might be exciting.

     “Levi!” _Ugh._

     “I told you not to call me, Shitty Glasses.” I snapped.

     “Aw, don’t be like that! Mike and I are going out to grab some Applebee’s, do you want to come?” I could almost hear her smiling through the phone.

     “No.” _Can she just hang up now?_

     “Hey, it’s free food. I saw your last paycheck, you could use it.” She giggled. _Damn her._

     “Tch. I’ll be there in five.”

* * *

 

     I did in fact, get there in a matter of five minutes where Hanji and Mike were sitting hand in hand at a booth.

     I made my way over to the table and slid in across from them as swiftly as I could. I really didn’t want to be here.

     “No hello?” Smiled Hanji as she poked my cheek with a fry.

     I grabbed a napkin and wiped the excess salt that latched onto my cheek. “Clean freak as always, aren’t we?”

     I ignored her. I wanted to order, eat, then go home and think things over again and attempt to get some work done.

     “So, Levi. What’s been bothering you?” Asked Mike as he took a sip of his beer.

     “Nothing.” I hissed as I clenched onto the menu a bit tighter.

     “Levi, you don’t have to be such a grump! You know we’re your friends, right?” I looked up to see Hanji and Mike both smiling at me like supportive parents who just found out there child was gay.

     “Why does it concern you?” I didn’t want to be a part of this conversation. I just wanted to go home.

     “Would it kill you to be a little nicer?”

     “Yes.” Hanji laughed at that, but she stopped when she looked at my face.

     “Well, I want to know what’s bugging you. It must be pretty important if your pay slipped that much in a week.” She took a fry from Mike’s plate and chomped on it.

     “Will you leave me alone if I tell you?” I snapped while giving her one of my so-called famous death glares.

     “Yes.” She batted her eyelashes and smiled.

     I guess I had no choice. “I’ve been having strange reoccurring dreams. This boy named Eren keeps showing up in spots around town and for some reason, I’m always with him. He’s got bright teal eyes with flecks of gold in them, and brown hair that looks black when it catches the right angle of light. Do you know a kid like that? I want to talk to the brat and see why he keeps showing up in my dreams.”

     “Well, I don’t think there’s anybody like that around here. Maybe he’s just the man of your dreams?” Laughed Mike while Hanji high-fived him.

     “Not funny, Zacharias.” I stirred my water with the straw in frustration.

     “I think he’s got a point.” Hanji offered. “You are aware your brain can’t produce pictures of people you’ve never seen before, correct? So maybe… it’s just a cheesy love story with reincarnation.” She laughed while bumping into Mike on accident. _Man, she’s drunk._

     “Reincarnation isn’t a real thing.” I pointed out.

     “Then let me rephrase it.” Her voice got low and serious. “You’re probably soul-mates.”

     “Don’t put labels on things, Shitty Glasses.” I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost ten thirty pm. I needed to leave soon if I was going to get any work done tonight.

     “Hey, don’t blame me. Blame nature for giving you somebody who sounds gorgeous. So, what’s he like?” She leaned her elbows on the table and shortly after rested her head on her hands.

     “I’m leaving.” I grabbed my coat then got up. Both Hanji and Mike were used to this. Whenever I got uncomfortable, I left.

     In the end, I went to bed without any dinner.

* * *

 

     When I woke up the next morning, I checked my phone and saw I had a couple missed calls from Petra and Erwin. _What could they fucking need at six in the morning?!_

I decided to call Erwin back first, since Petra was probably just asking me to watch her cat while she left for the weekend.

     “Levi?” I heard his voice on the other side of the phone.

     “Hey.” I wanted to keep things short and get to the point, thankfully Erwin knew this.

     “Hanji and Mike told me about last night. Are you doing alright?” _Those brats._

“I’m fine. I just didn’t like being questioned.” I kept my tone firm and hostile.

     “About what?” His tone was also firm, but in a gentle confused way.

     “About the dreams, what other story did they tell you?!” Now, I was getting really pissed at those two.

     “Dreams? All they told me was that you ran out of Applebee’s last night and they thought you were going to have a breakdown again.” Shit.

     “Forget I said dreams. I didn’t have a fucking breakdown and I don’t need this shit from you at six in the morning.” I wanted to go back to sleep so badly.

     “Levi─”

     “Fuck it Erwin. I need to go back to sleep.” Then, I hung up on him. Only to be welcomed back to another bitter-sweet dream with Eren.

* * *

 

     This time in the dream, we were at a hospital. There was blood everywhere. I was on the floor. Eren was screaming. What was going on?

Here’s the thing, it wasn’t actually ME on the floor. Well it was, but it was just my body. A different me. I tried to reach out and touch Eren but I couldn’t. He just kept screaming and screaming. Finally, I couldn’t take it and I ran out.

When I got out, I was in a club. Of all things clubs could be, this was a strip club. _What the fuck, brain?_ When I looked up at the stage, I saw Eren walking on. I knew right away that I needed to get out of there. So I walked through a curtain and now, I was in a wide field of flowers.

There was a small tree in the middle of the field. I decided after much consideration to go check it out.

When I got to the tree I saw Eren sleeping under it. I didn’t know if I should be there or not, but I figured I could stay. Even if it was just for a little while.

The silence was both peaceful and comforting, for once I could relax. I sat against the tree and dozed off a little, not enough to fall asleep but enough to be able to hear all the birds chirping around us.

When I rolled over I saw his big teal eyes with golden flecks staring right into my greyish blue ones. “Ravioli..?” He sleepily murmured. I chuckled a little bit when I heard him attempt to say my given name.

“Rivaille.” I smiled down at him. He looked back up at me and smiled.

“I was close.” A gentle laugh escaped from his throat when he said this. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to stay here, with him in this big field. For now, all I could do was hold his hand.

I reached out and threaded my fingers between his slowly, careful not to miss any part of this moment. Don’t get me wrong, kissing was great. Still, it was nothing compared to holding hands. Holding hands was that feeling that you know somebody is there for you, even when you’re at your worse. It’s nice to be able to have that feeling of somebody there even though they’re not on top of you.

Our fingers fit together perfectly, it may have been my brain pulling some strings and making it happen but I didn’t care. In this moment, it felt real and above anything else… it felt warm.

* * *

 

     When I woke up I felt a depressing feeling crawl over me. I didn’t want to wake up and go to work, but I knew I had to. I wanted to lay in bed and watch the world go on around me. I couldn’t have what I wanted though, so I did what I had to and I got my ass out of bed.

     My apartment was as dull as ever. Every single spot of it was clean, I hated filthy things. Which was rather ironic if I do say so myself, since I used to live in such a filthy world.

     I walked across the hall and into the bathroom. As always, it was spotless. Except for one tiny little thing. The trash had not been taken out. _Get it together, Levi._ I silently cursed at myself for making such a small mistake.

     When breakfast came around, I decided to settle with cereal. I didn’t eat nearly as much as I should. It wasn’t that I was poor, I just didn’t take the time to get what I needed to live off of. However, lately I haven’t been too smart with how I spend my money.

     I’ve discovered that I have a new obsession with making jewelry. Why? Ever since I went over to Petra’s house to watch her cat, Oak, I found fine glass jewelry all around her house. After I decided that it was something that was beautiful, I bought the appliances needed to make such jewelry.

     At first, I sucked. Normally, whenever I put my mind to something, I master it right away. However, with glass it was different. I concluded that I need to be more gentle and calm with my hands, so I started to meditate when I was stressed out. Of course, this didn’t help. Still, I didn’t give up on making jewelry.

     After a couple months of hard work and dedication, I was able to make jewelry that was presentable enough to be sold. Whenever there was an art fair now, I would have Petra go set up a stand and sell things that I made. At the end of the fair we would count up together how much we made and we split the profit. Even though this is a better habit than most things, it was distracting from my work too. Then again, that wasn’t the only thing distracting me.

* * *

 

     Erwin stormed up to my desk as soon as I got seated at work. “Levi.” I didn’t meet his eyes. “Levi, answer me.” I still didn’t acknowledge him. “You can’t do this, Levi. You know how much it effects you when you won’t let anybody talk to you. Please, at least look at me.” I looked up ever so slightly to see his bright blue eyes full of worry staring right down at me.

     “Yes, Captain Eyebrows?” I scoffed.

     “Don’t call me that.” He demanded.

     “Get your filthy hands off my desk.” I snapped back.

     “I’m not going to deal with this Levi, not again. I’ll put you back in therapy if that’s what you want. Just stop pushing everybody away. It’s not going to benefit you.” Of course, he had to bring up the whole ‘it’s not going to benefit you’ topic.

     “Leave.” I returned my eyes to my paperwork and began to write down the main current issues with our company that we needed to improve.

     “I’m not going to leave until you tell me exactly why you’re being so snippy with all of us lately.” Thankfully, he picked his hands off my desk and crossed them on his chest in frustration.

     “Erwin, I’m not obligated to tell you anything. I never signed any papers or made any promises that I would tell you everything going on with me. There isn’t even anything going on right now with my life that you need to concern yourself with. Leave. I don’t want to have to tell you again.” I pointed at the door across from my desk.

     “One day Levi, you’ll regret not letting anybody inside your walls.”

     “Fuck off, Erwin.” Then, he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

     I rolled up my sleeves then popped a cigarette in my mouth and lit it. Smoking was a habit of mine, but it helped distract me from all the other things that were stressing me out. As I flipped through the pages of the background on a client, I combed my hair back in frustration attempting to get my mind off of the dream and the argument with Erwin.

     Somehow, I managed to get through work. After reading and filling out tons of papers, the day was done. I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder while fetching the keys to my office out of my pocket.

     “Levi, can I come in?” I heard a familiar voice call.

     “Come in, Rico.” I sighed as I sat myself down back in my chair.

     “Pardon the intrusion.” She shut the door softly behind her as she walked in.

     I liked Rico. She was true to her reports, and she stood by her beliefs. Plus, she didn’t poke her nose in things when she didn’t need to. In this case however, she did.

     “Why have you been falling behind in your paperwork? Surely there must be something wrong. You’re dragging my department down too, that’s why I’m here. I’m not saying I’m not concerned about you, but you need to step it up. Your emotions can not interfere with your work.” She stated while sliding into the chair in front of me.

     “Tch. You should be in your own fucking office right now working on your damn papers before you come into mine and tell me how to do my job. Your department is the only one that hasn’t finished and turned in their reports to Erwin. Stop complaining like the brat you are, and get out of my office.” I didn’t yell at her, I just simply told her what needed to be said. In return, I got a slight head nod.

     Things like this would happen a lot. She would come into my office, say what problem had brought her there, I would point out that she’s not even working half as hard as I am, and then she would nod to me as a way of saying ‘you have my respect, I see your point. However I cannot accept you fucking up when we need everybody giving it their all.’ She used to give me a speech about it a while ago, but now she just stopped.

     “Like you have room to talk, you haven’t turned in your reports to Erwin yet either.” She glared at me with cold, grey eyes of anger.

     “I was just about to run them to him on my way out.” I patted the giant stack of papers next to me. “Now, leave. I don’t want to get yelled at for having you locked in here.” As she got up and walked out, she sent me a look of hatred. That didn’t bother me, things like that never did.

* * *

 

     As I walked to the elevator with a brief case with all the reports with it in one hand and my bag on my other shoulder I bumped into Hanji in the hallway. Literally.

     “Watch where you’re going, shitty glasses.” I glanced at her and saw that she was in her usual attire, jeans and a sweater. Except today she had her hair back in a braid instead of tied up in a ponytail.

     “I could say the same to you, Levi.” She laughed while grabbing her papers off from the ground. Normally, people in our office wore suits or things more… appropriate. However, Hanji never cared about that. Of course, this made her stick out like a sore thumb which was a position I would never want to be in.

     “You headed up to Erwin?” She asked while hitting a button on the elevator.

     “I have to drop off some papers.” I replied shortly.

     “Ah, your reports on clients? I have to drop off some reports on the tests we did so I’m headed up there too. Do you want to grab something to eat after we finish up here?” She offered while flipping her hair out of her face.

     “No.” I wanted to keep the conversation short, I wanted to finish up and get out of here.

     “You’re always like that, I know you had fun when we went to Applebee’s.” She poked me with the end of her pen annoyingly. I didn’t respond, I just stepped away from her and waited until the elevator stopped.

     Thankfully, it got to our floor shortly after I stepped away from her. I swiftly walked out and towards Erwin’s office. When I got there, it was the same as usual. He had dust on most of his books, his radio was on some weird station that talked about the issues of the world, honestly all of it was annoying to me. I glared at the mess of an office.

     “Well hello to you too, Levi.” Erwin murmured while keeping his eyes on the paper.

     “Here’s the reports on our clients. I’m headed out for today.” I set the brief case down on his desk then turned and walked out.

     “Levi, wait.” I kept walking. “Hey, Levi.” Now, I stopped.

     “What?” I hissed while turning around to look at him.

     “Let’s go get something to drink after work.” He offered with a sly smile.

     “Not interested.” I barked back.

     “I’ll pay.”

     “That doesn’t change my opinion, Eyebrows.” I spun on my heel and faced back towards the door.

     “It’s Friday, let’s go out.” I heard him set down his papers behind me and stand up.

     “Will you leave me alone about everything else if I go get drinks with you tonight?” I really didn’t want to drink with him since he was a flirty ass when he was drunk, but I would prefer that over him butting into my business.

     “Deal.” Next thing I knew, we were at the bar.

* * *

 

     As always, Erwin got drunk too fast. I sat at the end drinking down some weird concoction that a female bartender had made to try to impress me.

     It was like a routine, whenever Erwin and I went out drinking girls swarmed us. It was annoying and something I hated more than having to deal with Captain Eyebrows and Shitty Glasses. Girls always thought I was twenty, when in reality I was twenty four. That resulted in older women clinging to me and the younger ones leeching onto Erwin like flies to a dead animal.

     Today however, most of the older females weren’t out today and that I was grateful for. Here’s the issue: the bartender gave me something rather strong, so I was drunker than Erwin. I couldn’t see straight, things were spinning around me, this was a dumb idea. Then, I saw him.

     Teal eyes with golden flecks. Brown hair that looked black with the light shining on it the way it was. My heart stopped. The world around me stopped spinning. The only thing in front of me was Eren.

     “Rivaille?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading the second chapter! I finally referenced to some other fanfics which is actually what inspired Recollection. The ones I included are: WIMTF by Opulence, Club Tryst by ScarlettSiren, Help Me Stand by ichigoangel, and 1994 by Vee (donut shop). This chapter might of felt a little bit pulled, it's just hard writing from his perspective. Also, sorry for the little bit of fluff. I just think everybody needs a little bit of sweet fluff. Still, thank you for reading Recollection! Until next time~ :3


	3. Getting a Lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren finally remembers Levi's full name and decides to do a background check with Annie on him. He also meets somebody rather...unexpected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end~

****

    “Eren?” I spun around to the familiar voice.

    “Annie?” I felt nauseous.

    “Yeah, that’s my name. You look like you’re about to pass out. Are you okay?” She walked over to me and felt my forehead. “Jesus, you’re burning up. You need to go home, I’m guessing you don’t want me to tell Mikasa?” She laughed.

    “You know me so well.” I returned the laugh, but it followed up with a cough.

    “I’ll text Armin and tell him what happened so if Mikasa does get curious, she can just ask Armin instead of hunting you now. For now, where do you want to go?” I glanced over at the clock. _I can’t go home, mom is probably out trying to earn money. I can’t be more of a burden on her._

    “I don’t know.” I replied as I slouched against the wall as an attempt to get some rest.

     Somehow, Annie got the hint. That’s another thing I liked about her, it was as if she could read my mind when I was upset. I was lucky to have her. “Okay, Eren. How about we go back to my house? Nobody is home right now so you can take a nap if you want.”

     “Are you sure?” I asked quietly with a little bit of a sniffle.

     “I wouldn’t have offered for you to come over if I wasn’t sure. You won’t be a burden, okay?” She offered her hand up to me to help me stand.

      I placed my hand in hers as she helped me up, then I pulled out my phone and decided to text Marco since I felt I needed somebody besides Annie to know.

EJ: Hey, Marco. I went home sick, please make sure Mikasa doesn’t freak out. Can I borrow your notes for Bazado’s class tomorrow? Sorry to put this pressure on you.

MB: Sure thing, Eren!  I’ll see you tomorrow, hope you feel better!

      Feeling a little bit more satisfied, I shoved my phone back into my pocket and followed Annie to her car; completely wiping out the hallucination I saw at the drinking fountain.

* * *

 

         When we got to Annie’s house, it had only been twenty minutes since we first left. Of course, it didn’t feel like twenty minutes. It felt like it had been a week since I thought I saw Ravioli at the drinking fountain.

         Annie’s house was small, but comforting. It was sort of like a bungalow, except it was being remodeled to have a second floor. Other than that, her house was a bungalow.

       She led me to a room that had a high ceiling, but length-wise the room wasn’t all that large. I found myself sitting on a small black couch and slowly drifting off into sleep.

      “Eren.” I blocked her out, I was so tired.

      “Eren.” The world started getting blurry. I felt something cold and wet on my forehead. Maybe a towel?

      “Eren.” _Please let me sleep._

      Soon enough, I found myself asleep on Annie’s black leather couch dreaming about Ravioli.

* * *

 

      I rolled over and saw him, staring right back at me with those beautiful grey-blue eyes. My Ravioli.

     “Ravioli..?” He laughed. His laugh was really soft… it was like warm honey dripping off of a spoon. Maybe with a little bit of hissing thrown in there, but to me it was smooth.

     “Rivaille.” _Rivaille…_ I loved the way his name rolled off his tongue.

     “I was close.” I laughed softly which earned me a small half-smile from him.

     Next thing I knew, he reached his hand out and threaded his fingers through mine. They fit together perfectly, of course my brain might just be fucking with me but that didn’t matter to me. For now, I just enjoyed the reality and the warmth his hand was giving me.

* * *

 

     “Hey Eren, are you alive?” I blinked a couple times and saw Annie’s hand waving in front of my face.

     “Mhmm…” I moaned as I rolled over away from her.

     “Well you sure are grumpy when you first wake up. What did you dream about?” She asked as she replaced the towel on my head with a new one.

     “I think the answer is obvious.” I riposted.

     “Hey, I wasn’t trying to insult you. What happened in the dream?” She glanced over to the clock as she asked me.

     “We were in a field of flowers, against a tree. He was sitting there with me and he told me his name. It sounded like perfection itself was rolling off of his tongue… It was so inimitable. I wish you could have heard it.” I realized that I was smiling like an idiot as I said this, so I quickly turned my face away from hers.

     “He told you his name? What was it? Maybe we can find him.” She pulled out a notepad and a pen.

     I opened my mouth to say it but suddenly, I couldn’t remember. “I can’t…” Before I knew it, I started crying.

     “Wait, Eren don’t cry it’s okay. Can you not remember?” I nodded slightly as I continued to cry. “Well, that’s not a problem. We can just look up male French names that sound like Ravioli.” She laughed a little bit at her suggestion, but it was a good idea.

     “Okay, let’s do it.” I sat up and stared down at her icy blue eyes.

     “Wait, Eren I was just kidding.” She backed up a little bit and laughed.

     “There’s no harm in trying. I mean it’s better that we try and fail rather than not trying at all.” She nodded her head to me in respect and soon, we grabbed her computer and looked up male French names that sounded like Ravioli.

     First we got absolutely nowhere. We checked all the online sites with male French names but none of them were familiar. After a while, we decided to give up on the internet.

     “I’m sorry Eren.” Annie apologized with a little bit of sympathy in her voice.

     “It’s okay, Annie. It’s not like I thought we would magically find his name. I guess these things just take time.” I sighed.

     “I might have a book of baby names. Maybe it’s in there?” She got up and walked over to a large bookshelf.

     “No really Annie it’s ok─” I was cut up by her shoving the book in my face.

     “Is that the name?” My eyes followed to where her fingers were pointing. Then, I saw it.

     “Rivaille.” As soon as I said it, I saw Annie smile a full smile.

     “Now we have something to work off of.”

* * *

 

     Turns out I was sick from over working, so I recovered after I slept in a couple days. Of course, Pixis understood since he has been in that position before apparently. The one class I was worried about Bozado’s. Let’s just say I had a shit ton of homework to do.

     On the bright side, ever since I remembered his name Annie and Armin have been looking in to trying to find him. Recently they found out that a man named Rivaille (his last name wasn't listed) went to Trost University a couple years ago; we decided to do a background check on the guy.

     When there’s a positive there’s always a negative, right? Mikasa has been getting suspicious. She’ll come over after class and try to make a move on me but I never get excited enough to let her go any further than kissing. Whenever we have sex it just feels so unnatural, like it’s being forced onto me.

     I’ve tried to break up with Mikasa before. It’s just not the easiest thing in the world. First of all, she hasn’t always been an over protective bitch. Back before we were dating, she was my best friend and she was like my sister. Now, it’s like she wants to lock me in a cage and never let me see the outside world. I just feel so trapped.

     I tell Annie everything that happens with Mikasa and I. I can’t tell Armin because I know he would take Mikasa’s side on whatever the issue was. Don’t get me wrong, I love Armin like a brother it’s just that he always feels that Mikasa is right.

     Part of me wants to tell Mikasa about my dreams of Rivaille. Maybe then she’ll stop preying on me and keeping me locked up. I don’t want to be with Mikasa, I want to be with Rivaille. Even if I’ve never met him in person, something just feels right about being with him. Mikasa on the other hand… just feels so forced.

     A while ago I told Mikasa that I felt our relationship was forced. At first, she was shocked. Soon after, she backed off a little bit. I thought _‘finally, she’ll let me be my own person!’_ Boy, I couldn’t be more wrong. It was the calm before the storm. As soon as I started hanging out with other girls she would butt in. Not only that, but she checked all my schedules to make sure that I wasn’t cheating on her. She was crazy.

     Mikasa and I have dated and broken up before. It happened some time in middle school. She really liked Jean (horse-faced asshole) and he turned her down, so she came to me. Literally.

     Yes, she turned to me for sex. I was a horny teenage boy, she was hot, I figured _why not?_ Later on, we decided we wanted more than just sex out of the relationship so we dated. I really shouldn’t have had sex with her, I never should have dated her. I was an idiot.

     We broke up the first time because of school. We were both being showered with tons of work and with college coming up, we didn’t have time to date worry about relationships. So we did what we had to, we broke up.

     She took it harder than I did even though she was the one who ended it. While she cried, I went out and made new friends. Yes, that’s how I met Annie. Back then, I’ll admit I had a small crush on Annie.

     She was pretty, she was tough, and she was smart. So yes, I went for her. Over time I figured that I would be satisfied with being just friends, and I decided I liked that idea more.

     Now, onto how Mikasa and I started dating again. When we both got into Trost, we decided we had more time to mess around now that our lives were in order.

     At first, girls swarmed me. Armin says it’s because of my eyes, Annie says it’s because I’m so light-hearted, honestly I didn’t care. My dreams of Rivaille were starting around this time, so I was confused and distracted enough as it was.

     Mikasa thought something was wrong with me, so she had me go get checked out by a therapist. That’s when I got diagnosed with depression. It made sense, I didn’t have a dad in my life, my mom was broke and most likely dying from illnesses she couldn’t cure, I got picked on a lot at school by the dumbass horse-face, and I kept dreaming of a happiness I couldn’t have.

     Mikasa thought a way to make me feel better without medicine was to have somebody in your life make you happy. That’s when she offered for us to date again. At this point, I didn’t care. I just wanted more distractions to distract me from reality.

     That’s how we started dating. I didn’t realize it then, but she was just tricking me into dating her again. She knew that achieving happiness for myself didn’t concern her but she thought that if I believed her, we would date.

     She was right.

* * *

 

     “Hey, Eren.” I looked up from my text book to see Mikasa sitting on the other side of my desk.

     “Hey Mika.” Mika was a pet name I developed for her over the years.

     “We need to talk.” Straight to the point, as always.

     “About?” I asked while shutting my book and giving her my full undivided attention.

     “Why haven’t you been paying attention to me?” She flicked a pencil at me.

     “I have been paying attention to you.” We both knew it was a lie, but it was better than nothing.

     “Don’t lie. I don’t need that from you.” She crossed her arms over her chest as a way of saying _‘I’m not going anywhere, I’ve got all the time in the world.’_

 _There’s no harm in telling her the truth, it will just benefit us both_. “I’ve been having dreams about somebody else and I figured out they’re a real person I’ve never met before so I’m trying to find them and find out why they’re in my dreams.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but it was enough for her to believe me.

     “What kind of dreams?” _God can you drop it Mikasa?!_

 _“_ I don’t know, normal ones.” I picked up the pencil she flicked at me and started drumming on the table.

     “What happens in them?”

     “Nothing really. We just talk.”

     “What do you talk about?”

     “Names.”

     “Names?”

     “That’s what I just said, yeah.” I was trying to keep it short, but she hated short.

     “Stop trying to avoid my questions, tell me the truth Eren.” I could practically feel the fury in her voice.

     “The truth?! Do you want to know everything that’s been on my damn mind?! Fine, I’ll tell you. I’m in love with somebody that isn’t you.” I said it. God I said it.

     “Excuse me?” Her eyes narrowed. That’s when I knew, I fucked up.

     It was too late to back out now.

     “I don’t love you, Mikasa. You don’t make me happy, you make me feel trapped. You’re like the mom I never had; I don’t want to date my mom! You aren’t the right person for me.” I didn’t feel like saying ‘I’m sorry’ because truthfully, I wasn’t sorry.

     “So you’re saying you want to break up?” Her voice dropped a little out of sadness.

     “Yes.” With that, she got up and left.

     Finally, I felt free.

* * *

 

     “Yo, Eren.” I rolled my eyes when I heard the voice.

     “Yeah, horse-face?” I spun around and looked him in the eyes.

     “Don’t be such an ass, dude. So you dumped Mikasa? About time I hit that. You don’t mind, right?” He snickered a little as he said this.

     “No, I don’t mind, but I think your boyfriend would.” I crossed my arms as I nodded to Marco who was frozen in his tracks. “Yes, Jean. Everybody knows you and Marco have a thing. Well, everybody besides you. This is getting awkward, so I’m going to leave.” I turned away from them as I heard Marco yelling at Jean and Jean cussing at me. Really, I didn’t care if he banged Mikasa. She probably needed it.

     When I turned the corner I ran head-first into Reiner, one of Annie’s friends. “You’re Eren, right?” He laughed while helping me up.

     “Yeah, sorry about that.” I helped him pick up some papers that scattered from the floor when I stopped out of realization when I saw what was on the papers.

     “I was just on my way to give these to you actually, Annie said she did some digging around and pulled some strings to get this guy’s background. She also says you owe her big time.” _Sounds like her._

     I couldn’t afford to get mad at her right now, she got me Rivaille’s background. Everything that the university had of course.

     “Where’s Annie now?” I asked impatiently while taking the papers Reiner was holding out to me.

     “Probably in the gym.” I think he saw my face fall when I realized I couldn’t go in the gym since I got my membership taken away when Jean and I beat the shit out of each other there. “Don’t worry, I’ll take you there.”

     We walked down a bunch of halls for a while until we found the one that had a small little brown door. “Thanks, Reiner.” I smiled at him.

     “Don’t mention it.” He grabbed the door handle and put a small little key in the key hole then opened it. As to why Reiner had a key to the gym, I didn’t bother asking. I figured it was better if I didn’t know.

* * *

 

     Annie was inside where she normally was, except this time she was fighting a tall black haired boy who was at least 6’3”. Even so, she beat him.

     “Maybe next time, Bertl Turtle.” She laughed while helping him up.

     Reiner led me over to them and waved “Hey I brought Eren.”

     Annie glanced up and waved back. “Hey Eren. Did you need something?”

     I glanced at the tall boy who was now laying on the ground in pain. “Uh maybe after you’re done here we can talk.” She glanced down to Bertl and back up at me.

     “I’ll be done in about twenty minutes. Meet me in the cafeteria, I’m starving.”

     Annie was true to her word, about twenty minutes later we were both seated and eating in the cafeteria.

     “So what’s up, Jaeger?” She took a bite of her sandwich.

     “Don’t call me Jaeger. How did you get these papers on Rivaille?” I opened the file that had all of his information.

     “Hey don’t go flashing it around! It doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you have it now, right? What do you want to do now?” She leaned on her hand and looked up at me.

     “Find him.” I replied quickly.

     “Well, yes I get that. How do you want to find him though? All his information on where he lives changes over the years if you noticed. The best bet is that he’s somewhere else now. You can’t go back to the last place he lived and expect him to be there.” She had a point, I didn’t want to give up though.

     “Is there anything else we can find out? Maybe on a more personal level?” I flipped through the papers and saw what teachers he had to see if I had any of them.

     “Well, he knows Professor Bazado.”

     “The bastard that bites his tongue when he talks?” I snapped back with irritation.

     “Hey, don’t take it out on me.” She took a sip of her coffee and picked up a paper to look over it.

     “Wait how do you know he knows Bazado?” I asked out of pure confusion.

     “I’ve got connections. Plus I think I saw him at the beginning of the year picking up some papers.” When she said that I spit out my coffee over the table and started coughing.

     “Sorry. How do you even know it was him? Why was he here? What?” I was beyond confused.

     “I don’t know Eren, maybe ask Bazado and find out from him things about Rivaille. I can’t help you on this one, it’s too personal for me to know about.”

     “Okay that makes sense, I’m sorry to make you have to do all this for me. I’ll go talk to Bazado after this to see if he knows anything about Rivaille.”

     With that, we parted ways.

* * *

 

     Bazado’s room sucked. It was boring, white, and dirty. I wanted to get this over with quickly, there’s no use in spending extra time with somebody that I didn’t need to be around.

     “Oh, welcome in Eren.” He was sitting at his desk, as usual.

     “Thank you.” I closed the door behind me and pulled up a chair on the other side of his desk.

     “What brings you in today?” He asked while flipping through some papers then typing something into a computer.

     “I want to know about a student you had in the past. His name is Rivaille. Short, black hair, greyish blue eyes.” There was no point in beating around the bush.

     “Yes, he used to be a student of mine. Why does it concern you?” I was about to respond when a brunette with glasses and a messy ponytail walked into the room.

     “Olou! Do you have the─” She stopped talking when she saw me.

     “Oh my god. You’re Eren.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I figured I should start picking up the pace a little bit on Levi and Eren's relationship so they'll meet soon, I promise! It might take a couple chapters, but they will meet :P Again, thank you for reading Recollection! Until next time~


	4. Getting Drunk Isn't Always a Bad Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gets really drunk (thanks to Erwin) and ends up sharing a dream or two with Eren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end~

****

     “Rivaille?” I turned around and saw Petra looking at me. Quickly, I looked back to where I saw Eren but he wasn’t there.

     “Ral.” I crossed my arms and tried to stand as straight as I could despite being drunk off my ass.

     “Are you okay? I think you had too much to drink. You were staring into a blank space like something was there.” I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when she said that.

     “Yeah I’m fine…” I hiccupped after I said that. _Shit._

     “I think you need to go home and rest. You look like you’re about to fall over. Who brought you here?”

     “Uh… Captain Eyebrows?” The world was spinning and getting blurrier.

     “Erwin?” She laughed. “Okay, let’s get you home.” I started to walk towards her, the next thing I knew; I was on the ground and everything went black.

* * *

 

     I ended up in Petra’s apartment. It was unfamiliar to me at first since I was having a horrific hangover. “Levi, are you okay?”

     I tried to sit up but I felt an atrocious headache coming on as I did so. I decided to stay on the ground.

     “Not really. I’m having a fucking horrible hangover.” I grabbed my head as an attempt to stop the pain.

     “Don’t take it out on me. I’ll grab you a bucket and some water.” She smiled back at me as she got up.

     Honestly, I wanted to sleep. It would probably hurt more when I woke up if I did though.

     Petra returned almost as quickly as she left with a glass of water and a bucket in case I had to hurl. Hangovers sucked. “Here, drink this.” She helped me up as I winced in pain.

     I felt the cold liquid trickle down my throat, but then I felt something coming up. “Bucket.” Quickly, Petra handed me the bucket and before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was throwing up. She rubbed my back and sang me a song to calm me down, even though it agitated me for her to be doing so but I didn’t have the energy to push her away.

     This happened for a while and soon the horrible taste was stuck in my mouth. At least I could tell what the bartender mixed in my drink. A couple buckets later, I had finally thrown up all that I could.

     “Are you okay, Levi?” _The answer should be obvious enough, dumb bitch._ Of course I didn’t say that. Petra was too kind for me to lash out at her because she was trying to comfort me.

     “Not really.” I somehow gathered up the strength and crawled over to her small brown loveseat.

     “Just rest for now, try to sleep. It will be better when you wake up.” I didn’t believe her, but I figured if I slept I could dream. If I could dream, I could be with Eren. That’s all I needed right now.

* * *

 

     “Rivaille?” I blinked and found two big teal eyes looking down at me. I couldn’t help it, I almost smiled.

     “Hey, Brat.” I laughed while sitting up. This time, we were in a quad in the middle of Trost University.

     “Rivaille… I have a question.” I glanced up at him while rubbing my eyes.

     “What’s the question?” I responded calmly.

     “Are you real?” That caught me by surprise.

     “Excuse me? You’re in my dream.” He looked a little confused.

     “No, you’re in my dream.” Now I was confused.

     “Don’t argue with me, Brat. I passed out on Petra’s couch and now I’m here. It’s my dream.” I wasn’t going to let my brain trick me into thinking this was something real.

     “I got knocked out when a book was flung at my face, that’s how I’m here. So it’s my dream. Unless…” He got really quiet.

     “What is it?” I asked.

     “It’s something I’ve been researching. It’s if two people are thinking of the same thing, they can share the same dream. Maybe that’s what’s going on right now.” It was a crazy idea, but the brat might be right since nothing else made sense.

     “Okay so let’s say we’re sharing a dream and both talking exactly to each other, is this the first time we’ve actually met?” I questioned with curiosity.

     “I guess…” He rubbed the back of his head and blushed a little. Who knew he could be bashful?

     I’m still not sure what come over me in the next moment, all I know is that I made the right choice. I walked over to Eren, stood on my toes, looked him in the eyes, then I kissed him.

     It didn’t feel like the other times when we kissed in the dreams, it felt real. I could sense his shock when I pulled down his shirt so I could put my heels down on the ground and dragged him closer to me.

     I bit his bottom lip, demanding his mouth open. He quickly got the hint and opened his mouth ever so slightly, just enough to let me slide my tongue in. There was a little battle for dominance between our tongues but I won quickly.

     Somehow while we were kissing, we ended sitting up against the building with me straddling him. I slid my hand up his shirt in an attempt to get it off, but he pulled away. “We can’t, Rivaille─”

     “Call me Levi.” I cut in.

     “We can’t do this, Levi.” I’ll admit, I felt my heart sink to my stomach when he said that.

     “Why not?” I asked while leaning in a little closer than I should have been, but I guess it didn’t matter at this point.

     “I didn’t mean to offend you it’s just that… one of us is going to wake up soon. Dreams don’t last that long, right? Things are starting to feel a little less real, I don’t want the dream to end like that. Ah, well I don’t want the dream to end period.” I understood what he was saying, it didn’t change the depressing feeling in my body though.

     I felt his arms wrap around me and I slid down to lay on his chest. “I want to meet you outside of this world, Levi.” When he spoke, I felt it rumble through his entire chest. It did feel a little glossed over or blurrier than it was at the beginning of the dream.

     I couldn’t speak, I didn’t want to ruin the beauty of the silence in this moment. All I could do was nod in agreement. Thankfully, he got what I was trying to say.

     “I’ll find you. I promise. Even if it’s not in the next week, or hell even in the next year, I’ll find you. No matter what.” His words were so comforting, I wanted to stay with him like this forever.

     Sadly, all good dreams must come to an end.

* * *

 

     “Did you have a nice nap, Levi?” Smiled Petra as she handed me a glass of water which I quickly snatched from her hand.

     “I guess.” I swallowed the water down and sighed.

     “Did you have any dreams?” It caught me by surprise and I flinched a little bit, remembering how close I was to having sex with Eren.

     “No. Not anything important.” She scanned my eyes to see if I was lying but shrugged it off and smiled.

     “Why were you so drunk?” The question wasn’t meant to be hostile, but I took it in an offensive way.

     “It doesn’t matter, Erwin’s fault.” I turned away from her and sat halfway off the sofa in an attempt to get ready to stand.

     “Where are you going?” She asked with a concerned tone.

     “Home.” I popped a cigarette in my mouth then lit it as I walked stood up and walked towards the door.

     “How are you getting there?” She laughed while crossing her arms. _Oh yeah, Petra brought me here. Shit._

“I’ll walk.” The worst part was that I was completely serious.

     “Don’t be silly, I’ll drive you.” She grabbed her keys and smiled as she jingled them.

     “Tch.”

     I walked out after her keeping my distance since I was frustrated with myself and I figured she didn’t need to be even more bothered by me.

     Soon we were in her Civic Sedan driving towards my apartment across town. “Levi, are you okay? I mean I get that you just threw up a ton and got really, really drunk but you seem a little… off. Which is most definitely strange since you’re always on top of things.” She giggled a little at the last part.

     “I’m fine.” I didn’t want to talk to her. Honestly, I wanted to get the fuck back to sleep and talk to the brat again.

     “Don’t lie to me, I’m the one driving.” I sighed.

     “I’m not talking.” Now, it was her turn to sigh.

     “Fine, I’ll respect that.”

     Finally after what seemed like an hour of driving, we arrived at my small apartment.

     “Take care of yourself, okay Levi? I know you’re upset, even if you won’t tell me what’s wrong. I’ll probably find out from Hanji anyways.” With that, she left and she drove off.

* * *

 

     My apartment was as empty as always. Empty and clean, just the way I liked it. _Shit I want to sleep._ I let out a long moan and collapsed onto my black leather couch.

     I really needed to think things over about Eren. I didn’t even know how old he was, well besides that fact that he was most definitely younger than me. I knew his name though, Eren Jaeger. It was like music to my ears.

     I wondered why I hadn’t tried to track him down yet, but I concluded it was because I never realized that he lived around here before. I decided I should probably at least look up his name in the system.

     After finally getting up to grab my computer, I logged onto our main system. The first thing I did was look up people under the name ‘Jaeger’ in the system, there were three people on the list:

1: Grisha Jaeger

2: Carla Jaeger

3: Eren Jaeger

     I felt like a stalker, but I didn’t have a choice. I clicked on his name then suddenly my computer freaked out and I was launched into a video chat with Erwin.

     “Who are you looking up, Rivaille?” He was drinking a coffee on the other end and eating a donut.

     “None of your business, Eyebrows. You didn’t need to hack my computer if you wanted to video chat.” I snapped at him.

     “You practically gave me free access by logging into the system. It was like an invitation to chat. So, who’s Eren Jaeger?” He smirked a little when he pulled up a file on him on the screen.

     “Tch. How are you not throwing up right now? You were as drunk as I was.” I scrolled over the file on Eren and opened it.

     “I’ve already thrown up my fair share. Rico ended showing up at the bar and taking me home. You still haven’t told me who Eren is. Is he somebody special?” He leaned on his hand and took another long sip of his coffee.

     “Not really.” I scanned the file to see if I could get an address or something that would lead me to him.

     “Good. You don’t need to be getting distracted. Anyways I’ll allow you access to all of the file. Until next time, Levi.” He ended the call and as he did so a lot more things popped up on the file.

     I found out that he goes to Trost University, although that was already implied from his theory on the dream. There wasn’t a specific address on where he lived, it just said he lived by the donut shop near Petra’s apartment. Which made the donut shop dreams a little more sense.

     Another thing I found out was Eren’s dad had invested a great deal of money in prostitution. As a result, he left his family impoverished. Thinking back to the dreams, Eren seemed like he was always a little stressed out about something. This was probably the reason why.

     I dug around some more and found out that he wasn’t the most… focused student. However, on any assignment he actually turned in he got everything right. At least he wasn’t an idiot; he was just lazy. He was only nineteen years old. _Damn, he can’t drink yet. There goes that plan._

     After a good hour or two of ‘researching’ Eren, I decided to call it a night. Although some people had other plans.

     I heard my phone ringing and hastily picked it up. “Hel─”

     “Levi you would never guess who I saw today when I ran to Trost to drop off my report!” Her voice was so energetic, way too energetic for ten o’clock at night.

     “Who?” I groaned while putting the phone on speaker so I could change into pajamas.

     “Guess!” I rolled my eyes.

     “It’s too late for guessing games, if you don’t tell me I’ll hang up.” I hissed into the phone while sliding on a pair of plaid pajama pants that were too long for my liking.

     “Okay fine. Wait for it…” At least two minutes passed before she talked again.

     “I’m waiting.” I growled while tapping my foot on the ground.

     “Okay are you ready?”

     “As ready as I was two minutes ago.”

     “I saw Eren!” At first, I thought my ears were playing tricks on me.

     “Can you repeat that? I thought you just said you saw Eren─”

     “That is what I said you big grump! I saw Eren in Oluo’s classroom! You’ll never guess what he was holding in his hands either!” I sighed.

     “Tell me what he was holding in his hands, I’m not in the mood to play your shitty guessing games.” She laughed through the other side of the phone.

     “He was holding your file! The one with all your information about it! So do you know what that means?”

     “Enlighten me, Shitty Glasses.”

     “He’s stalking you too!” I inhaled sharply.

     “What did Erwin tell you?!” She laughed loudly, it gave me headache.

     “He didn’t, I eavesdropped on the video chat.” Her tone dropped when she said the next sentence. “Don’t let Erwin find out about Eren, you know how possessive he is.” I was about to tell her to shut up but the next thing I knew, she hung up. _Thanks for the warning, Shitty Glasses._

* * *

 

     For the first time in a while, I didn’t dream of Eren. It was disappointing, but it probably meant he wasn’t asleep right now.

     I dreamt of Erwin. Strange, but it’s what happened. Erwin and I were sitting at a coffee shop talking about work when suddenly he said: “focus on me and me alone, Levi.” I just looked at him and scowled, saying I didn’t know what he was talking about. I was about to get up and leave the coffee shop but he pulled me back. I yelled at him and told him to get his filthy hands off me, then out of the blue he said he would destroy everything that I held dear to my heart. He said he would never forgive me if I put someone else above him since he was the one who pulled me away from the life of drugs.

     I ended up yanking my arm away and telling him to fuck off, then I walked out of the shop. When I was out of the shop I walked right into Hanji. _Great._

Hanji wore her hair down though, which was a little strange for her to do. “Levi! Hey Levi! I saw Eren before you did! He was with a girl!” I blocked her out, she was like an annoying bird. Somehow, her words managed to get through to me.

     “I get it, Shitty Glasses. Go away, nobody likes your crazy ass thoughts.” She shut up then, I just kept walking.

     The next place I went to was somewhere I really didn’t want to be, I was in my old house as a child. I heard screams from down the hallway and attempted to block them out, but I couldn’t pull myself away from the deathly screams that were all too familiar to me.

     I attempted to keep walking away from this part of the dream, I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to keep walking, but my feet would not permit me to move on.

     I saw a giant shadow fall on the floor below me and I closed my eyes, getting ready for whatever came at me. It never came. Instead, I heard a shrill chime ring through the air. _God please don’t make it be Hanji again._ It wasn’t.

* * *

       Well in a way, it was. She was calling me repetitively. I think Erwin told her to wake me up since I hadn’t responded to his calls. I glanced at the clock and realized that I wasn’t supposed to be at work yet. _What do they need from me at fucking seven thirty in the morning on a weekend?_

     I gathered up the energy to answer the phone (somehow) in a matter of a couple seconds which is pretty impressive if I do say so myself.

     “Levi?” Her voice wasn’t as loud and boastful as it normally was. It was quiet. _Mike is probably still asleep._

     “Yeah, Shitty Glasses?” I rolled back over in my bed hoping she wouldn’t respond so I could go back to sleep.

     “Hurry and drop that attitude for later today, we’re going to the park!”

     “No we’re not, I need more sleep.” I groaned as I saw the sun beginning to rise.

     “Then go to sleep, be at the park by two pm this afternoon. If you don’t I’ll never shut up about my research on psychology.” Fuck, she was serious.

     “Fine, but I’m going back to sleep.” I hung up the phone before she could object and set my alarm for noon realizing I actually didn’t have to work today. Two hours of leisure wouldn’t hurt, right?

* * *

 

     This time, I dreamt of Eren. Or rather, we shared a dream again. “Levi!” He smiled. I loved his smile, I always wanted to see it. It may be a bit selfish; but he was like my own little ray of sunshine, and I didn’t want to share him with anybody.

     “Hey, Brat.” I walked over to him and sat with him behind the counter of a seven-eleven. _Why are we here?_

     “Why do you call me Brat?” He laughed while ruffling his already messy brown hair. That was the only messy thing I would ever love.

     “Anybody younger than me is a Brat.” I subconsciously reached for a cigarette but nothing was there. I let it slide.

     “You should lighten up a little bit.” He suggested with a half-smile.

     “Tch.” I shook my head.

     We talked for a little bit about our lives and things we were both interested in. I’ll admit, it was weird that I fell in love with somebody from my dreams and that they were real. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind one bit. If anything, I preferred that it was this way. It was like I was always on his mind, and that made me ecstatic.

     Soon, the dream would end. We both knew that, so we spent the remaining minutes of the dream laying together against the wall. The worst part was we both knew that neither of us would remember what happened in the dream. I hated it so much, I wanted to be able to feel his arms around me for real. I wanted to be able to hold his hand and proudly say that the brat was mine, but I couldn’t. No matter how hard I wished for it or how hard I begged for him to be with me. It’s a hard realization to find out that dreams don’t come true, no matter what.

* * *

 

     My alarm went off at noon. The dream was warm, nice, and comfortable. Still, it wasn’t anything I could remember.

     It was cold out since the seasons were slowly changing into its next freezing stage, also known as winter. I checked my phone to see if I missed anything, but surprisingly all I got from my phone were “good luck!” texts. _What am I going to need luck for? I’m just going to the park, idiots._

What I didn’t know, was how much I was going to owe Hanji for the rest of my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kya!! Sorry for the late update guys! I had writers block and ugh it was annoying, anyways thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it, (sorry for the sappy Levi! XD) Anyways, thanks for reading Recollection! Until next time!~


	5. Beware: Professors Throw Books

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren's POV on the dreams with Levi and what happened after Hanji walked into the classroom and found Eren there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end~

****

     “Oh my god. You’re Eren.” Oluo glanced between the both of us, doing a double take.

     “Uh… who are you?” I asked out of confusion since I really had no idea how this girl knew me.

     “Oh um well…” she nervously laughed. “I’m Rivaille’s friend!” My heart skipped a beat.

     “How do you know about me?” I didn’t mean to sound forceful, but it certainly came out that way.

     “He talks about you all the time! About how you’re the ‘man of his dreams’. At least that’s what Mike says. Oh this is so cool I met you before he did! Hold on I have to get a picture.” She ran over to me quickly and held the phone up between us and smiled then I heard a click and she backed away while jumping like a child.

     “Wait, he talks about me?” I was really confused.

     “Yeah, oh hey can I have your number?” She leaned on her elbows and smiled up at me.

     “I’m still not sure on exactly who you are.” I scooted away from her in the chair.

     “I said I was his friend. Hold on let me get a picture of us.” She pulled up a picture of her and Rivaille at what seemed to be a bar. “So can I get your number?” I eyed her carefully, _what did I have to lose?_

     Hanji typed my number into her phone then smiled. “Yay! I can’t wait to tell him!” By this time, neither of us noticed it but Oluo was getting quite agitated. Agitated enough to throw a book at a special somebody’s face. Yeah, my professor threw a book at my face. The most embarrassing part was that I passed out. From a book.

* * *

 

     I realized I was in a shared dream as soon as I got there. “Rivaille?” He turned to me and blinked. I swore for a second, I almost saw a smile on that face that was always painted with a scowl.

     “Hey Brat.” He laughed while standing up. I loved his laugh.

     “Rivaille… I have a question.” He blinked and rubbed his eyes. _Damn he’s cute when he’s sleepy._ Of course, I would never tell him that.

     “What’s the question?” How could he be so calm while I was a nervous mess over here?

     “Are you real?” I rushed through the question quickly. I mean I already knew the answer, but I wanted him to verify it. He was shocked of course.

     “Excuse me? You’re in my dream.” I was a little confused, partially because I didn’t think he would be angry.

     “No, you’re in my dream.” His normal agitated wiped off his face for just a second in confusion but then he regained his composure.

     “Don’t argue with me, Brat. I passed out on Petra’s couch and now I’m here. It’s my dream.” Now I was getting a little agitated.

     “I got knocked out when a book was flung at my face, that’s how I’m here. So it’s my dream. Unless…” My mind suddenly jumped back to the dream theory.

     “What is it?”

     “It’s something I’ve been researching.” I started. “It’s if two people are thinking the same thing, they can share the same dream. Maybe that’s what’s going on right now.” _That was the only explanation, right?_

     “Okay so let’s say we’re sharing a dream and both talking exactly to each other, is this the first time we’ve actually met?” His question caught me off guard since I realized that was the situation. I couldn’t help it, I got nervous.

     “I guess…” I responded while rubbing the back of my head and blushing.

     Suddenly, he walked over to me. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but before I knew it his lips were on mine. It wasn’t like the other dreams, although it was getting fuzzier. I decided to ignore it.

     He pulled my shirt down so he could stand flat footed. _He’s so cute!_ Then I felt a small pain on my bottom lip that caused me to open my mouth ever so slightly. He took the chance.

     It was really… wet, a lot different than Mikasa. When I could finally wrap my head around the situation I decided that here and now would decide who got to be on top. I silently cursed at myself when I lost the small little war our tongues had for dominance.

     Somewhere along the way we ended up against a building in the quad of Trost University which I just realized this was where the dream took place. I felt his kissing get a little bit more intense and his hands sliding up my shirt. He meant business. Except, I realized what the fuzziness was now. The dreaming was fading out. “We can’t, Rivaille─” I was about to tell him about the dream when he cut in.

     “Call me Levi.” I continued on once I etched it in my brain to call him Levi, not Rivaille.

     “We can’t do this, Levi.” He looked a little disappointed but knowing him, he would as why.

      “Why not?” _Called it._   He leaned in a little closer, probably as a tactic to seduce me. It would have worked too, if I hadn’t remembered that this would all be over soon and I would have to return to reality without him.

     “I didn’t mean to offend you it’s just that… one of us is going to wake up soon. Dreams don’t last that long, right? Things are starting to feel a little less real, I don’t want the dream to end like that. Ah, well I don’t want the dream to end period.”

He looked sad when he realized it, so I wrapped my arms around him as a way of saying ‘ _I’m here, I’ll always be here.’_ “I want to meet you outside of this world, Levi.” His name came out like a purr, I think he even got a little embarrassed. _Who knew?_

     He didn’t respond which I wasn’t offended by since he nodded in agreement. Which I understood, I probably wouldn’t of been able to say anything if he was the one saying that to me. “I’ll find you, I promise. Even if it’s not in the next week, or hell even in the next year, I’ll find you. No matter what.”

I smiled down at him, feeling everything slip away. I couldn’t feel his clothes under my hands anymore. His hair color was fading away quickly. Everything became blurry. _No._

Then, it ended.

* * *

 

     “Hey Eren! Are you okay?” I saw a young girl standing over me and waving my face with a handmade paper fan.

     “Who… are you?” I asked while blinking and slowly sitting up. I flinched when I felt the pain in my forehead.

     “Marco’s little sister, Izzy. He brought you here after he found you laying on the floor in Oluo’s classroom. He’s in the other room right now making food. Are you hungry?” I got a closer look at her and realized she looked a lot like Marco, except with less freckles. Marco was the freckle god.

     “A little.” I laughed. As if on cue, Marco walked in with a plate of food. Nothing special, just cheese, meat and bread.

     “Here you go Eren. Oh yeah this is Izzy, my little sister. Izzy this is Eren, but I think you already know that.” He smiled and laughed a little.

     I really did admire Marco. He just heard that his boyfriend wanted to fuck another girl, probably just broke up with his boyfriend, and he still puts other people before himself. I wish I could be that strong.

     “Thanks, Marco.” I smiled up at him the best I could.

     “You’re welcome.” He sat down beside me on the couch and Izzy joined us after grabbing herself a strawberry pop-tart. (She couldn’t eat bread or cheese due to allergies and beef grossed her out ever since she heard something about it at school from one of her classmates. I honestly didn’t want to know what she heard.)

     Marco’s house was quiet. It was really peaceful, too. We watched this really dumb show about how this one girl couldn’t decide between two guys so she ended up committing suicide. At the end of the show, Marco turned to Izzy and told her never to do that. No matter how bad the situation. She just laughed and said he would probably do it first out of the two of them. They both laughed it off, which made me wish I had a sibling or somebody I was close to like this.

I was close to Annie, but she wasn’t the kind of person to crack jokes like that. Armin was too serious for these kinds of things, but that’s why I could rely on him, and Mikasa… well you know how that is right now. Maybe a couple years ago we could have been like this, but now I’m not so sure. Scratch that, now I’m positive we could never be that close.

“Are you okay Eren?” Marco asked while averting his eyes away from Izzy for a second.

“Huh? Yeah I think I’m just going to go home. It was a rough day, thank you for having me. I’ll make sure to pay you back somehow.” Both Izzy and Marco waved at me.

“It was a pleasure to have you come.” They said in unison.

 Maybe I was good without a sibling after all.

* * *

 

     My house was only down the street from Marco’s, so it wasn’t too long of a walk. However, I was exhausted from the day so I decided to go take a nap in my room.

     “Eren, is that you?” I heard a shaky voice calling from downstairs.

     “Hey mom, it’s me.” I shouted back to her.

     “Work was rough, I’m going to take a nap.” She called back to me while setting her bag on the floor.

     “Me too.” I responded while walking into my room. “Don’t forget to lock the doors.”

     “I know.” Where we lived, a lock was the thing that could decide between life and death for you.

     I crawled into bed then heard her thump around downstairs, and then I heard a couple clicks. I could rest easily when I knew she got all of them. There were only five locks in our house, so I listened for five clicks

      _One._ She walked somewhere else. _Two._ Now she was crossing the kitchen. _Three._ She was headed towards the stairs. _Four._ Then she walked upstairs.

    “You forgot one, mom.” She looked at me with a confused expression for a bit then laughed.

    “Sorry, Eren. I’ll go get it.” I didn’t realize how tired she was until I saw her face.

   “No, it’s okay mom. I got it.” I patted her back then walked downstairs to get the last lock.

    When I got to the door, I heard a knock. I looked through the peephole and saw Armin standing there nervously. I decided it probably couldn’t wait until tomorrow and I couldn’t lock the door without him hearing, so I let him in.

   “Hey Armin, what’s up?” He glanced up at me, and for a second I thought I saw him crying.

   “Can I come in?” He twiddled his thumbs.

    “Sure, my house is your house.” I opened the door wider for him and let him in, making sure to lock the door once he got inside. “What’s up, Armin? You look nervous.” His head shot up and his big blue eyes stared into mine.

    “You should be the one that’s nervous, Eren. I don’t know how you’re not freaking out right now.” I tilted my head in curiosity.

     “I don’t understand, can you explain?” I sat back on the couch to relax a little bit, getting ready for whatever was coming.

    “You mean you haven’t heard?”

    “Obviously not since I’m asking you.” He clutched his hands together and looked up at me.

    “There’s been some… rumors around school.” I leaned forward, now I was interested.

    “Like what?”

    “That you’ll fuck anybody for money. Boy or girl. People are saying you only date Mikasa for sex.” My mind blanked.

    I snapped. “Wait what?!”

    “That’s not all, people have been asking around for your number. They say if they can get you drunk or high enough, you’re theirs.” My mouth dropped open.

     “Oh god. Oh god this cannot be happening. I’ve only had sex like, twice! I don’t even know if it counted as sex. Oh god Armin what do I do?” I got up off the couch and started pacing back in forth. I was in a panic. _What if my employer had heard this? What if my professors heard this… what if they thought I was a prostitute? Oh god this can’t be happening._

    “Eren, calm down. We’ll get it sorted out okay? We’ll find out who started these dumb rumors and we’ll fix this. Just try to hang low for a while. Annie didn’t want you knowing since she knew you were already over worked and she didn’t want you to worry. We’re trying to fix this the best we can. For now, just leave it to us. The university won’t tolerate this, we can just tell the university what’s─”

     “No! We absolutely can NOT tell the university what’s going on! I don’t want them to think something bad of me. I can’t let this get to me. It will go away, all rumors do. Please, just don’t make it worse than it has to be. Please Armin.” I was sitting in front of him, begging.

    “Okay, Eren. I promise I won’t do anything that would be considered out of hand.” He smiled down at me.

    “Does Mikasa know about this?” I asked quietly while walking away from him.

     “Most likely, I think you were the only one who didn’t.” He got up and walked towards the door. “Anyways, I’m going to head out. I think you need to sleep this off.”

    “Thank you for telling me, Armin.”

    “Anytime, Eren.”

* * *

 

     I looked around at my surroundings. Then I saw him. I couldn’t help it, I got a huge idiotic smile. “Levi!”

    He walked over to me calmly. “Hey, Brat.” I wanted to hug him really badly right now. I felt like I was about to have a breakdown, but I held myself together since I was overjoyed about having the privilege to share yet another dream with him.

    “Why do you call me Brat?” I rubbed the back of my head while messing my hair up and laughing nervously.

     “Anybody younger than me is a Brat.” He reached for something from his pocket but then let his hand fall to his side as if something was missing.

     I smiled one of my dorky half-smiles then got an idea. “You should lighten up a little bit.” I was probably asking for my own death, but I wanted to see his reaction.

    He shook his head as if he was about to laugh. “Tch.”

    After that we talked about random, comfortable things that we liked and just other strange topics in general. I found out he had a weird obsession with making glass jewelry, and he thought cats were annoying fluffy things that walked and wouldn’t shut up. I laughed at this when I felt things start to get fuzzy. I told him the dream was going to end soon, so we did what we had to.

    We cuddled. We were up against a wall. He was on top of me, I had my arms wrapped around him. In all honesty, I didn’t want to ever let go. Of course, I could never tell him this. He would probably tell me to shut up and stop being so cheesy, but I wouldn’t mind.

    I really did love Levi, even if I only knew him from my dreams and weird déjà vu moments. Everything felt more unrealistic the longer we tried to hold onto each other, it was starting to give me a headache.

    I hugged Levi, hoping he would get the message that I never wanted to let him go. I imagined he was in just about the same amount of pain I was in. It was like a fight against our brain to hold on, neither of us wanted it to end.

    All dreams have to end at some point though, especially the good ones.

* * *

 

     I woke up crying when I realized I was back in the dumbass hell-hole called reality. I tried wrapping my arms around myself to see if I could still feel his body on mine, but I couldn’t remember the feeling.

     I wanted to go back to the dream. I didn’t want to be in reality. I wanted to go back and hug him, I wanted to go back and be able to cry on his shoulder. I wished so hard I would fall back asleep; but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t.

     I finally gathered up the will to roll out of bed when I saw my phone was blowing up. Not literally, somebody was just texting me and calling me nonstop. After ten minutes, I decided to answer the phone.

     “Hello?”

     “Oh my god sorry to wake you Eren! It’s Hanji, come to the park today at 2 in the afternoon! Please just go, don’t ask questions! Bye!” She hung up before she even gave me the chance to ask any questions.

     I decided I would go, what did I have to lose?

     It was already noon by the time Hanji woke me up, so I quickly hopped in the shower since I was a mess. After that I ransacked my closet looking for something remotely warm since it was almost winter. Damn cold weather.

     I decided on an old, black, button up winter coat that actually wasn’t all that old, I just hadn’t worn it in a while. I decided I probably should get a hat but since we didn’t have any in the house (we really needed to go shopping once we got the money) I grabbed a beanie Mikasa left here once. In a way, it was our beanie since we shared it. I guess I was the one who got custody of the beanie in the end.

     I didn’t really have good taste in fashion, or rather I never really cared so she ended up picking out most of my clothes for me. Most of the time it was hella uncomfortable since they were all skinny jeans and itchy fabric. Don’t get me wrong, they worked wonders on my body. It was just annoying wearing them.

     In the end, I settled on skinny jeans and converse sense I had nothing else to wear. _Damn it Mikasa. Why did you have to pick out such uncomfortable clothes for me?!_

     By the time I was done changing, it was already one thirty. (Yes, my closet is that much of a mess to try to get through, but my shower took about an hour so don’t judge too much.) The park was about twenty minutes away by bike.

     There was only one park in this town, and that was the cherry blossom park. It was a place where couples went since there was a flowing river and pretty pink trees everywhere. _Maybe I shouldn’t go…_ I thought to myself. _People might think Hanji and I are a couple._

     _Ah screw it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! Sorry for the late update! I meant to get it out yesterday but I got distracted since I read the sixth ward. (If you haven't read it, go read it now. I cried like a bitch.) Anyways, sorry for the cliffhanger too. I thought about continuing it but... who likes to rush things? On another note, I'm going to be dropping Levi's POV when they meet. I'll still talk from his POV every now and again, just not as often as I do now. Mysteries are fun, and I picture Levi as the mysterious type ^_^. Anywaysssss thanks for reading Recollection! Until next time!<3~


	6. Hanji's Master Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren finally meet! (Written in both Levi and Eren's POV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end~

****

    

     The run to the park was cold and caused intense pain to my chest due to the sharp winter air. I kept running, pounding on the sidewalk ignoring the bitter air around me.

     When I reached a stop light I pulled out my phone to check the time. _1:57 pm. Perfect._ The park is right across from the traffic light, so I was just on time.

     As the light turned yellow and all the cars stopped, I pulled out my phone to call Hanji and tell her I was here. It rang for a good minute before she picked it up. “Hey Eren! Sorry I couldn’t come to the phone right away, what’s up?”

     “Just freezing my ass off, you know nothing serious. Are you here yet? I just got to the park.” I walked across the street to the park as all the cars stopped.

     “Ah about that…” She paused for a second. “I’ll be running a little… late today. Go wait by the statue under the biggest tree. I’ll be there soon. Bye, Eren!” Then, she hung up.

     “Well that’s just great.” I sighed. _I might as well walk around a bit before I go to the statue, it’s not like there’s anything important there._

* * *

 

**[LEVI’S POV]**

I got to the park around 1:49 pm. I was always early to things so I never was the last one to show up. I didn’t like to make people wait on me. It made me feel important, and if there’s one thing that I’ve learned throughout my twenty-two years of being alive was that I was most definitely not important.

     After a stroll around downtown to pick up some essentials for the house since I was running low on food and cleaning supplies. I ran out of cleaning supplies too often to be normal. Normal sucked anyways, so who gave a damn?

     I called Hanji after I finished up with getting all of my things, she picked up right away. “Levi! Hi! What’s up?” She was too peppy.

     “I’m at the park, where are you?” I pulled my phone away from my face to see it was already 1:55. _Shitty Glasses._

     “Funny story, I’ll be running late. Oh looks like I’m getting another call. Go to the statue by the biggest tree in the park! Bye Levi!” Then she hung up. Damn she pissed me off.

     I didn’t have a choice, if she showed up and I wasn’t at the statue… let’s just say it wouldn’t be the most fun experience in the world.

     _I have time to wander around._ I thought to myself while pulling the scarf up around my neck to cover my face so my face wouldn’t freeze off. Then, I headed towards the red bridge.

* * *

 

**[EREN’S POV]**

I checked my watch again and saw that I had some time to go visit the old red bridge that I went to when I went on my “first date” with Mikasa. I wouldn’t really call it a first date, it was more like she forced me to go and said she would buy me all my meals for the next week. She always knew how to get me to play along with her.

     I mentioned this before, but my family was a little tight on money. My mom worked more hours than healthy, I tried to get as many jobs as I could to support her but she said she could take care of it since I should be focused on my studies.

Switching to medical school was something that was constantly on my mind. I didn’t want to be a doctor, but they made a good amount of money. I figured that as long as I made money, I could keep mom happy.

My mom was the only person who has been there for me my entire life. My dad left us for prostitutes (mom never knew, but I figured it out right away) so that left me and mom. Whenever I got in fights with the neighborhood kids she always patched me up to make sure I never got sick from an infection. Back then, I didn’t realize how much medical supplies cost if you were using them frequently so I would get in many fights with other kids to prove my social stance on it.

One day, we ran out of cleaning supplies and band aids, so I promised her that I would wash off the cuts and wrap them up with tissues and string. I didn’t do it though, I thought it would have been cool to show off how tough I was since my cut didn’t get infected right away. I still regret it to this day.

I got very sick from the infection since our house wasn’t the cleanest due to lack of cleaning supplies. Puss started to ooze out of my cut. I made sure to always keep my leg covered up so mom wouldn’t see how bad it had gotten. Eventually she caught on when she had to take me to the doctors since I collapsed. I ended up getting treated and taken care of but a trip to the hospital isn’t cheap. I remember crying and apologizing for not taking better care of myself, she cried too since she was disappointed in me and glad that I was okay.

After I got out of the hospital which wasn’t long, I turned to Armin and Mikasa. Things picked up for a while after that, although it didn’t change how depressing things still were around the Jaeger household.

     When I got near the red bridge a nervous feeling crawled up from my toes and into my stomach. You know how people say you get butterflies in your stomach when you’re nervous? This was like butterflies with jackhammers. Needless to say, it wasn’t pleasant. Still, I pressed on and decided what made me so nervous about the bridge.

     I saw it as soon as I turned the corner. Or rather, I saw HIM when I turned the corner.

     A short man with raven black hair was leaning over the edge of the bridge with a bag of groceries in one hand and his phone in the other. That small, strong physique was all too familiar to me. Right in front of me was the man from my dreams.

     I ran out from around the corner and stood on the bridge with my feet planted firmly on the ground and the butterflies having a party with jackhammers in my stomach.

     “Levi!”

* * *

 

**[LEVI’S POV]**

I turned my head around as soon as I heard his voice. He was standing right there in front of me. The man that occupied my dreams and the man that I loved was right there. Right in front of me was Eren Jaeger.

     He ran up to me and picked me up in a tight embrace, causing me to drop my bag and all of its contents that were inside of it. At first I was a little upset that he was so much taller than me that he could pick me up, but I didn’t mind since we both knew who was bottoming in this relationship.

     We didn’t talk for a while, we just held onto each other. Any other words would have broken the beauty of this moment. I felt his hands hold me tighter as if he was afraid that I was going to disappear any second now. I ran my hands through his hair to make sure that he was really there, that he was real.

     His hair was a lot softer than in the dreams. I loved the way the light caught it to make it look like a deep chocolate brown. Everything about him was so much different… but that made it all the more perfect.

* * *

 

**[EREN’S POV]**

He was heavier than expected for his height. _I wonder what makes him so heavy… I’ll leave it for now._

I hugged him tighter to make sure he wasn’t fake, that this wasn’t just a dream. Thankfully, he wasn’t. It was all real. I held on to him for a while until I decided it was time to set him down.

     There aren’t enough words in the world to describe how happy I was to be with him. I was overjoyed, ecstatic, jubilant, and exultant all at the same time. I finally had what I had been dreaming of, yet it still felt fictitious. He still looked as unsure of the situation as I was, so I smiled down at him and took his hand to let him know I was right there beside him.

     After a couple moments of silence, I spoke first. “I can’t believe you’re right here.” He chuckled a little. _I’m so awkward._

     “I can’t either.” I squeezed his hand then looked down to see a bunch of cleaning supplies and food scattered along the bridge. His eyes followed after mine. “Damn it.” He let go of my hand and grabbed a bottle of Windex that fell out of the bag.

     “Here, let me help.” I smiled at him as I grabbed a bottle of laundry detergent and handed it to him.

     For a second I could have sworn he blushed, he looked away too fast for me to confirm it though. “Shitty Brat.” I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “What’s so funny?” He grabbed the bag that now had everything inside of it and stood up.

     “Nothing, nothing at all.” I stood up after him and laughed a little harder.

     “Seriously Eren, what is it?” I kept laughing, then I saw his face and realized he was pissed.

     “It’s just… you’re so cute.”

     “I’m what?!” I couldn’t tell if I’d angered him, or if he wasn’t good at taking compliments. _Probably both._ Instead of finding out, I took his hand.

     “Come on, I have to meet Hanji at the statue.” I started to walk but then he pulled me back.

     “Hanji called you here?” I was a little confused, so I just nodded. “I knew she was up to something. Let’s go before she finds us.”

     “What do you mean, ‘before she finds us’?” I linked my fingers through his as we walked towards the statue, he didn’t seem to notice; or rather he did notice, but he didn’t acknowledge it.

     “She’s just a lunatic. There’s not much to be said.” The conversation dropped after that, there wasn’t much to be said anyways.

     Every now and again I would glance over at him and think of how beautiful he was in person. I never thought of guys as beautiful before, but with Levi that was an entirely different story. I wasn’t ashamed to think he was beautiful, because in reality he was practically the definition of beautiful.

     His hair was black as night which gave off a mysterious vibe. His bone structure looked like a professional sculptor went in and carefully constructed everything to be absolutely perfect. In reality, he was perfect. I think it annoyed him that I was taller than him, but that didn’t change things between us.

     For now, things were perfect.

     “Hanji, you’ve got some explaining to do.” Levi crossed his arms over his chest in agitation.

     “Hehe well I figured since I knew both of you now I would set this fun little date up.” She laughed nervously and tucked her arm behind her head.

     “It’s fucking freezing out, Shitty Glasses. It wasn’t as fun as it could have been.” Levi pulled his scarf tighter around his neck.

     “Aw come on Levi, we had fun.” I smiled down at him then patted his head. He moved away quickly, I just laughed.

     “Well two somebodies owe me a ‘thank you’.” Hanji stated as she looked at the both of us.

     “Thank you Hanji.” I chuckled in a sing-song tone. Levi didn’t say anything at first so I had to nudge him.

     “Tch. Thank you, Shitty Glasses.”

     “Ah good enough. You guys want to grab something to eat?” She pointed behind her and smiled.

     “No thanks, we’re going to grab coffee.” He squeezed my hand as a way of saying _“go along with it”_

     “Sorry Hanji, maybe another time.” We turned to walk away and I waved goodbye to her.

     I wasn’t sure what Levi was planning, but I didn’t really care.

* * *

 

     Nobody was at the coffee shop when we got there. I learned when he ordered his coffee was that he liked it black. I silently hoped that he wouldn’t make me drink black coffee in the future.

     We took a seat in a small room off to the side of the main area. It was quiet and a bit awkward, but it was exhilarating. The lanterns hanging from the ceiling created a warm glow that eased my nerves.

     Levi sat across from me and sipped his black coffee that smelled too strong for my liking, later on that scent would be a comfort scent to me.

     “So uh, hi.” I stammered nervously.

     “Hi?” He chuckled a little under his breath.

     “Sorry, I’m just nervous.” I laughed and took a sip of my coffee.

     “Why’re you nervous?” He blew off the steam of his coffee. _Why is that everything he does is attractive?_

“It’s just that, I’ve dreamt of meeting you forever and being with you but now that I’m here; I feel like I need to impress you.”

     “Impress me? Brat, nobody can impress me. Don’t set such high goals for yourself.” I think he meant it to be an insult, but I didn’t take it that way. I figured anything he said he had a reason to say it.

     “You aren’t nervous at all?” I corroborated.

     “I don’t get nervous.”

     “Oh come on,” I laughed “there’s got to be something you’re nervous about.”

     “Not really.” He looked around the room as if to be distracted by an object.

     “You have to get nervous about something.” I leaned on my arm as a way to show that I was relaxed enough to listen.

     He sighed. “Fine, I got nervous about seeing you in the dreams.”

     “Like a little school girl.” I offered.

     “Tch.”

     “You aren’t denying it!” For some reason, I was just extra happy today.

     Ever since I was diagnosed with depression, some days were bad days, others were good days. Bad days were when I felt suicidal, good days were when I was happy for no apparent reason. I was glad today was a good day. _I wonder what Levi would think if he found out I was diagnosed with depression…_

“Shut up, Brat.”

     “It’s okay, I was nervous too.” I smiled at him. I really did love seeing him show emotion.

     “I didn’t think you existed.” My smile faded away.

     “What do you mean?” I asked, a little bit worried.

     “It just seemed so surreal, I just didn’t think that you were real and it was all too good to be true. But here we are.”

     “Here we are.” I agreed.

     Under the table I felt his fingers lightly brush against mine as I slid my fingers between his. He had absolutely perfect hands. Hell, everything about him was perfect to me. Then again, did I really know anything about him?

     “Levi, what’s your favorite color?”

     “Why the sudden question, Jaeger?” He took another sip of his coffee then made a face due to the fact that it was cold now.

     “Just answer the question.” I sighed in exasperation.

     “Teal, or gold.” He reached over the table and grabbed a glass of water to drink.

     “Why?” I drew a little circle on the table with my finger.

     “Just because. What’s yours?”

     “Probably like a really light blue, but not baby blue. Maybe a little bit hazier than baby blue.” The table got quiet, since we didn’t have much to talk about.

     “When’s your birthday?” He asked while he stirred the glass of water.

     “Oh uh March 30th. You?”

     “December 25th.” He sighed.

     “So, Christmas?” I piped in.

     “No, Easter.” He rolled his eyes.

     “Don’t be sarcastic. Do you get presents for both events?” I leaned in on my hand, suddenly more energetic.

     “I don’t get presents.” His voice didn’t drip of sadness when he said that which shocked me.

     “Huh?! Why not?”

     “I don’t need things from other people, I can get it myself.” He took another sip of the water.

     “Would you let me get you something for your birthday and your Christmas?”

     “Don’t push it, Brat.”

     “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

* * *

 

     I pulled my phone out and texted Hanji as soon as I got home.

 **EJ:** Thank you for today! I had a lot of fun.

 **HZ:** Anytime my little munchkin! (That’s Rivaille, not you sorry.) Speaking of, did it surprise you he was so short?

 **EJ:** Haha, a little. I love it though, it just makes him easier to hug.

 **HZ:** Don’t expect to be on top sweetie!

 **EJ:** Huh?

 **HZ:** Oh would you look at the time! Night Eren!

     _Be on top? What does she mean?_

     I tossed my phone on the side table then climbed into bed, deciding it was time to go to sleep.

    Despite the embarrassment, awkwardness, and all the other negative things, today was a great day.

     I pulled out the little piece of paper Levi gave me that had his number on it which he said I should only call when I wanted to see him, or if there was an emergency. He really could be like a school girl in denial when she was in love.

 **EJ:** It’s me, Eren ^-^

_/Levi is typing/_

**LA:** Hey, Brat.

 **EJ:** Do you have to call me that every time?

 **LA:** Yes.

 **EJ:** Also, LA? What’s the A for?

 **LA:** It’s my last name, dumbass.

 **EJ:** Well I know that. But like what does it stand for?

 **LA:** You’ll find out later. Did you need something?

 **EJ:** Just wanted to talk to you  <3

 **LA:** Cheesy Brat.

 **EJ:** You’re adorable.

 **LA:** You’re trying too hard.

 **EJ:** Night Levi ;*  <3 <3 <3

 **LA:** Goodnight, Eren.

     That night was the first time Levi had ever sounded somewhat romantic. Even if it was just a ‘goodnight’, it made my heart pound.

     I wish I could of texted him or called him for the entire night, because I would need it for the upcoming week.

     Of course back then, I didn’t know this was the calm before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I am so so so so so sorry for the late update. This chapter was rushed, I know. It's going to get worse from here on out. (I'm just going to say I'm sorry in advance.) I've been really depressed lately so I haven't been writing as much. Plus there's this shit called homework which is just a waste of time. Anyways, thanks for reading Recollection! Until next time!~


	7. Let It Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi are finally a part of each other's daily lives. Then later Eren decides to get together with Armin since he hasn't seen him in a while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes at the end~

     It’s been about a month since the day in the park where I met Levi in person. Life hasn’t been kind since then. The only positive thing is how Levi has finally become a part of my everyday life.

     We’ll meet up for coffee before work or class (it depends on our schedule for the day) then we’ll meet up for lunch if we have time. I love seeing him every day, it makes life a little better.

     Anyways, life is sucking besides the fact that I have an amazing boyfriend now. The rumors at school have only gotten worse and I’ve had a couple people approach me or pull me away and ask how much I cost. This happens at least three times a week. Of course, I just walk away and ignore it.

     My life at home hasn’t been easy either. Mom seems to be getting worse since she’s working so hard to be able to support the both of us. I told her I’ll drop out of school so I can help her work but she just shakes her head and smiles, the usual reaction. My mom always puts other people before herself but that ends up hurting her more than it benefits her.

     I decided to look for a job that won’t interfere with my class time, but it would interfere with my Levi time. I decided I didn’t have a choice but to work, so I chose somewhere I knew I could still see Levi. The coffee shop.

* * *

 

     “You’re getting a job at that place?” Levi took a fry from my tray.

     “Hey, that was mine!” I took a sip from his soda as a small little revenge.

     “That didn’t answer my question, Brat.” I rolled my eyes and sighed.

     “Yes, I got a job at the coffee shop. Hanji you told me you stop by there when we can’t meet in the morning so I decided I would get a job there. Why did you never tell me that you loved the coffee shop?”

     “It’s the place where I go to prostitute myself when you’re not looking, surprise.” He sighed as he took another fry. “Seriously, it doesn’t matter why I never told you. It’s just a damn coffee shop.”

     “Mmmm I guess.” I laid my head down on the table and sighed.

     “If your family is having that much of a financial problem why didn’t you tell me?”

     “Somebody was too busy prostituting themselves for me to tell you.” I laughed and poked his nose which was something he pretended annoyed him, but I always felt him relax a little when I did it.

     “Hey Brat, don’t ever prostitute yourself. I don’t want to have to kill people for touching you.”

     I giggled like a school girl. “I won’t. Anyways, coffee shop.”

     “I thought we moved on from that topic.” He was frustrating at times, but I loved him.

     “Nope. What’s your opinion on it?”

     “I’m upset you’re going to work in my prostituting sanctum.”

     I grinned as he took another fry from my tray, at this point I didn’t care. “You could have gotten your own fries you know.”

     “I like taking yours.” He took another one.

     “Jesus Christ, Levi I’ll go buy you some.” He glanced over at me as he slid it into his mouth.

     “Coffee shop. It’s a good idea, will it be enough to support your mom though?”

     I sighed and crossed my arms in front of me on the table, forming a pillow for my head to lay on. “It should be. I can’t do anything too big or she’ll realize I’m working.”

     “What’s so bad about you working?” He folded the wrapper the cheeseburgers came in into a small little square.

     “My mom wants me to be a full-time student without having to work for what I want. She’s trying to support the both of us and trying to get me things that I want.” I picked up a piece of string from my clothes and tied it into a loop then made Jacob’s Ladder.

     “Well, maybe I can help. What do you want?” I glanced up at him.

     “To stop being called a whore at school.” I mumbled under my breath.

     “Sit up straight, I can’t hear you. Is there anything you want in particular that is a physical object?”

     “Your dick. Why do you think I got a job at the place where you prostitute yourself?”

     He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Very funny, Brat. I meant clothes or books.”

     “Oh, then no. I’ve got everything I need.” I grabbed some of the perfect little squares that he folded from the wrappers and threw them away in the trash can then sat back down.

     “Then why is your mom trying so hard to get you things you want when you don’t want anything?”

     I thought about that for a minute. “I guess it’s just because that’s how moms are. They want to give you more things even when you don’t need them to prove their love.”

     “That’s not how my mom was.”

     “I guess your mom knew you loved her then.”

     “Guess so.”

* * *

 

     After my lunch with Levi, I left to head back to campus.

     “Hey, Jaeger!” I spun around and saw the horse-faced asshole with none other than Mikasa.

     “Yeah?” I stood my ground as they walked towards me.

     “Who were you with just now?” I rolled my eyes as he talked.

     “It doesn’t matter since it doesn’t concern you. I have to get to class, see you later asshole.” I turned around to walk back to class when I felt a hand grab my arm. “Yes?”

     “How much do you cost now? $230 per hour?” I pulled my arm away from his hand as he laughed. Mikasa even seemed to be chuckling. It didn’t matter to me since I knew it wasn’t true.

     I did what I had to, I walked away from them. I didn’t want to start a fight where it didn’t need to be started to I kept walking and eventually I ducked into the shadow of a tall building with statues and stain glass windows.

 **EJ:** Hey, it’s me Eren. Are you busy right now?

 **AL:** Is your boyfriend unavailable right now?

 **EJ:** Sorry, Annie. I just don’t think he’s the right person to talk to right now. So are you available or not?

 **AL:** Where are you at?

* * *

 

     Annie and I headed to her (new) apartment after she finally found the church I was hiding by.

     “Make yourself at home.” She offered as she hung her coat up and set down a couple text books.

     “Thanks.” I hung up my backpack and my coat then kicked off my shoes and collapsed on her couch.

     “So what’s going on?” She asked as she handed me a glass of water.

     “Well I was out at lunch with Levi, right?”

     “Okay and?”

     “When I started heading towards campus I ran into Jean and Mikasa─”

     She cut in. “They’re a thing now by the way.”

     I sighed. “Yeah, I figured that out on my own. Anyways Jean was being a curious dick as always then as I was about to walk away he grabbed my arm then asked ‘How much do you cost now? $230 per hour?’ God I hate him. He’s probably the one who started all this shit.”

     “I’m sorry, Eren.” She gave me her best sympathetic look, which wasn’t all that good since she normally wore a poker face.

     “It’s not your fault, don’t apologize. I just don’t get why he’s targeting me all of a sudden. Sure, we’ve never gotten along like best friends but he’s never done anything this extreme before. It was always just spitballs or throwing paper at me. How did it go from paper to prostitution?”

     “I think Mikasa might have played a role in spreading the rumors too. From the way you described it, there’s no way Jean would know this was a personal topic for you. I doubt Armin or your mom told Jean that your dad left your family for prostitutes.” I buried my face in my knees and thought about it for a while.

     “I don’t think Mikasa would do that though. She’s got her moments, but she wouldn’t do that.”

     “Oh Eren, if only you knew.” She chuckled a little under her breath.

     “Mikasa is like my sister…”

     “Yeah, because it’s totally normal to date your sister.”

     “Hey, we aren’t actually related!” I retorted.

     “You think of her as a sister right?” She rolled her eyes at me.

     “Okay I see your point. Still, she wouldn’t do that.” I took a sip from the glass of water she got me.

     “If you lost your fuck buddy, wouldn’t you?”

     “I wasn’t her fuck buddy!” I set down my glass so I wouldn’t break it out of anger.

     “Oh really? Tell me what you guys did when you were hanging out then.” She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows, getting ready for a reply.

     “Okay we fucked.”

     “Thought so. What do you do with Levi?” She was trying to get at something, I knew it.

     “We uh, go out to lunch, hold hands, and sometimes we cuddle.”

     “Who are you happier with?”

     I didn’t even have to think about it. “Levi.”

     “Thought so. Why haven’t you told him about the Jean thing? He could help, right?”

     _Yeah, he could help. I can’t bother him with this though, he’s got other things to worry about…_ “I don’t know.” Perfect response to anything you don’t want to answer.

     “You know Eren, boyfriends are there to lean on.”

     “So are best friends.” She rolled her eyes at me.

     Back then I didn’t think about it, but I wish I would have told Levi about Jean. Maybe he could have stopped the travesty that had yet to come.

* * *

 

     Class with Pixis had become hell. Since nobody had anything to do in particular, they all directed their attention towards me. The rumors had gotten a lot worse. People were now leaving money at my desk and a note telling me where to meet them. I would always throw the note away and just leave the money there, hoping the people would take it back. Most of the time nobody did, so Annie said I should just take it but I thought that would be the same as accepting the offer so I never did.

     New rumors were being made, rumors that were partially true. For example one of them was that I was dating a filthy rich man since somebody saw me and Levi out at dinner. Sure, the amount of money Levi made was nothing to laugh about but he wasn’t filthy rich either. He just made more than the average person.

     Of course this rumor didn’t bother me as much because it was true, the only reason why it bothered me was because people treated me different since they thought I already had a fair amount of money from Levi. The truth was, Levi didn’t support me. It wasn’t that he wasn’t trying to be mean, it’s just I never asked. I didn’t need to ask either, I could support myself if I needed.

     On the bright side, my mom hasn’t found out that I’m working at the coffee shop. Not yet anyways. The coffee shop was probably the best part of my day. I worked from 4 am to 7 am which wasn’t as bad as you would think since I was used to not sleeping.

* * *

 

     The coffee shop became a sanctum of safety for me. Plus, I got to see Levi whenever I worked. I knew that he wasn’t much of a morning person, but I never imagined how horrible he was in mornings. The things you do for love.

     “Morning, Jaeger.” He glared at me while sipping his pitch-black coffee. I was allowed to take breaks once Levi came in since my manager figured it out that Levi and I were together. Plus, we didn’t get many customers in morning so she didn’t really care if I sat down with Levi for a little bit to chat. Levi was well known here anyways since he came here a lot before he met me.

     “Morning, beautiful.” I reached out across the table to poke his nose which made him relax ever-so-slightly, but he tensed up almost immediately as I pulled away.

     “Not in the mood.” He growled into his steamy drink.

     “What’s wrong?” I leaned on my arm to show that I was ready to listen.

     “I’m upset that you were keeping secrets from me.” _Woah. What?_

“What do you mean? I haven’t kept anything from you!” I exclaimed sharply.

     “Really? Then enlighten me about that time when you told me that people were giving you money to sell out your body and how people are saying you’re a filthy rich whore.” _He found out…_

“How did you find out about that?” I snapped.

     “Don’t get pissy with me. I’m the one who should be mad, not you.” He snarled at me like a grizzly bear. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His words dripped with venom.

     “It doesn’t matter, okay? They’re just dumb rumors!” My tone was getting a little too snippy for his liking.

     “That doesn’t answer my question, Brat.” The way he said ‘Brat’ wasn’t like the other times he called me that. This time, there was no affection behind it; just pure anger instead.

     “Fine if it really matters that much. I didn’t want you to worry since you’re always so stressed about other shit to deal with me. I didn’t want to tell you so you wouldn’t worry about me. You seem too busy to worry anyways.” I really did sound like a brat now. A spoiled, stubborn, selfish brat.

     I didn’t notice the sadness and shock on Levi’s face until I looked up. It was in that moment, when I realized I’d gone too far.

     “Levi wait I’m─”

     “…Is that what you really think?” It was barely more than a whisper, but it was received as a painful scream.

     “No… I’m sorry. I should have told you.” I lowered my head in shame. I should have told him as soon as it happened, maybe he could have helped prevent the situation from getting worse. At least he knows now.

     “You need to tell me when things like this happen.” His voice was stern, but it dripped sadness.

     “Okay, I promise I will.” His body relaxed a little when I made that promise. It often worried me how tense he was most of the time. I never asked him though, he seemed too bust with other things to press into the subject.

     “I have to get to work. Erwin has been driving me insane with all the work he gives me.” He was about to get up when I pulled him back down.

     “Who’s Erwin?” It was meant as a question, but I said it more harshly than I should have.

     “My boss.” He returned the harsh tone.

     “Sorry. Oh yeah, what’s your occupation? I know you work in a company, but what does it do?” I was curious since nobody really told me. I tried asking Hanji once but all she said was that the company liked to ‘branch out in different occupations’. She also said that her job was very different from Levi’s, even though they were in the same company.

     “You’ll find out some day. See you later.” He got up and as he walked away he patted my head, ruffling my hair with his fingers in the process.

     I don’t know what came over me in that next second, but I stood up fiercely and grabbed the back on his coat. “L-Levi…”

     “Yes?” He was as calm as ever. Why the hell was I so nervous?

     “Can we go out to dinner tonight..? I mean uh unless you’re busy or if you have something else to do─”

     “Is Webster’s okay?” He pulled out his phone to put in his calendar that we were going out tonight so he could get ready.

     “Uh sure, what time?” I laughed nervously while pulling out my own phone.

     “Let’s aim for 6:30.” I quickly typed it into my phone then as soon as Levi was about to leave I wrapped my arms around him from behind and pulled him into a hug. “Hey what are you─?!”

     “See you later, Rivaille.” It rolled off my tongue as a purr. I wished I could of seen his face right then, because I bet it was as red as a ripe tomato.

     “Whatever, Brat.” He tore away from me and strode out of the coffee shop. I couldn’t help it, I put my hand on my hip and smiled at him as he walked out.

     “Earth to Jaeger!” I heard my manager, Nanaba yell.

     “Oh sorry, ma’am!” I hurried over back behind the counter.

     “I was just going to ask what you said to Levi just now. I’ve never seen him so off-balance before since he’s always so collected.”

     “Ah, it’s nothing. Just the ol’ razzle dazzle.” I shook my hands in a jazz hand motion.

     “Don’t ever say that again.” She laughed as she hit my shoulder with a towel softly.

     “Got it, boss.” I laughed back to her.

     The hours rushed by after that since my co-worker, Connie came in to help out earlier than he normally does. I don’t normally have a partner to work with for the early hours (4 and 5) but Connie came in about 5:30 and we worked together for about a half an hour. It went by a lot faster, until I found out Connie goes to Trost.

     “So Eren, what’s the deal with you being a prostitute? Are you not making enough money here? You can go into other lines of work you know, you don’t have to─”

     “Can you shut up?! I’m not a prostitute! I’m sorry to disappoint.” I didn’t mean to be so harsh, but honestly I was really hurt.

     “Sorry… I just was trying to help. I’ll just leave you alone.” With that, he turned away and went back to work.

     It was almost six, I could leave in a couple minutes. Thankfully, Nanaba walked over to me and patted my shoulder. “Eren, you can leave if you want. You sound like you’re having a rough day, so you can just leave.” She didn’t say it with a harsh tone, but more like a motherly tone.

     “I’ll finish my shift, it’s okay boss. Thanks anyways.” I didn’t meet her eyes, I just returned to work.

     The next couple of customers mainly lined up to Connie’s register since I looked like I was either about to break into tears or murder somebody. I didn’t blame them one bit, I probably would have stayed away if I were them.

* * *

 

 **AA:** Eren, are you busy? We haven’t talked in a while, it would be nice to catch up! Just text me back whenever you get the chance!

 **EJ:** Oh hey Armin! Sure we can hang out J I don’t have any plans until like 6:30 so I’m all for hanging out. What do you wanna do???

 **AA:** Cool! Do you want to watch a movie or go grab lunch? It’s already 2:30pm and I haven’t eaten yet…

 **EJ:** Movie and lunch at my place? My mom is at work so it’s not like she’ll care as long as we clean up.

 **AA:** Okay, be over in a bit! =^∞^=

     I closed my phone then looked at my watch. _Sweet, I have enough time to pick up Panera._ I hopped out of bed and stumbled over to the bathroom. I looked like a mess. My hair was disheveled, there were bags under my eyes, and you could obviously tell something was up with a single glance.

     I didn’t want Armin to worry, so I threw on casual clothes that looked like something I could sleep in. I pulled out my phone to check the time then realized Armin would be here in about a half an hour. Time to go!

     After I got Panera I scurried to my car as quickly as I could. _It’s fucking freezing out. Why can’t it be spring already?_ It was late November, and the seasons were not being kind. I could already see frost forming on the ground, and it wasn’t even thanksgiving yet!

     When I got home I saw that Armin’s car was already in the driveway. “Shit man, did you wait long?” I asked while locking my car and holding the bag of Panera in my other hand.

     “Not really, I just got here.” He laughed. I could tell he was lying though, since his entire face was red from the cold.

     “Liar, let’s go inside.”

     My house was as empty and dreary as always. With the walls being a cornflower blue and the carpet being a creamy-grey color, it was depressing. It was as if all life had been drained out of the house, with the exception of the diminutive bamboo plant resting in the middle of the coffee table. Even the lights were dim in my house.

     “What movie are we going to watch?” Armin asked while plopping down on the small Ikea Karlstad loveseat that my dad bought us before he left us. That couch was the one thing my mom refused to get rid of.

     “Uh, maybe we can watch Frozen?” Armin’s blue eyes lit up.

     “Yes yes yes!” He jumped around excitedly while hugging a pillow.

     Personally, I did not want to watch Frozen so we debated over that and Up. In the end, we watched Frozen.

     Throughout the entire course of the movie, Armin was singing all the songs while trying to eat Panera. Then, it happened.

     “OH DUDE EREN SHUT UP!”

     “What I wasn’t even talk─” I felt his hand being clamped over my mouth.

     “SHHHH!!!” I heard it. The beginning chords to Let It Go. “The snow glows white on the mountain tonight” Okay, I’m not sure what came over me in the next second. Maybe it was the Panera, maybe it was Armin, but suddenly I had the desire to sing.

     “Not a footprint to be seen…” I swear to god Armin was smiling from ear to ear. Literally.

     “A kingdom of isolation…” Guessing it was my turn, I joined in.

     “And it looks like… I’m the queen…” This time, Armin stood up.

     “The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside…” Shortly after he finished, I got up too.

     “Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried…”

     He clutched his hands over his heart and tugged on the fabric softly. “Don’t let them in─”

     “─Don’t let them see!” I cut in.

     “Be the good girl you always have to be!” We sang that part together with Armin shaking his finger at me.

     “Conceal don’t feel,”

     “Don’t let them knowwwww..!”

     “WELL NOW THEY KNOWWW!” I practically screamed that part.

     “LET IT GO!”

     “LET IT GO!”

     “CAN’T HOLD IT BACK ANYMOREEEE!!!” He screamed back while taking his hair out of the ponytail it was in.

     “LET IT GO!” I spun around in a little circle.

     “LET IT GO!”

     “TURN AWAY AND SLAM THE DOOR!” I walked over to a cabinet door and slammed it, hoping the wood didn’t crack.

     “I DON’T CARE WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO SAY!”

     “LET THE STORM RAGE ONNNN!” I turned on a fan to emphasize the so called ‘storm’.

     “The cold never bothered me anyway.” With that line, he stripped off his coat then strutted around my living room.

     “It’s funny how some distance,” I walked away from him and stood on the couch “makes everything seem small.” He gave me a look of hatred when I referenced to the fact that he was the ‘everything seem small.'

     “And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at allll!” He walked over to the piano and picked up the fedora laying by the keys then placed it on his head.

     “It’s time to see what I can do. To test the limits and break through!” As I said ‘break through’ I held up a small piece of paper then tore through it.

     “No right, no wrong, no rules for me.” He crossed out the little set of household rules mom kept up on a white board.

     “I’M FREEEEEEE!!!!!” As I said that, I stripped off my sweatshirt.

     “LET IT GO!”

     “LET IT GO!”

     He opened a window then stuck his head out to sing the next line. “I AM ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKY-AH-AI!”

     “LET IT GO!”

     “LET IT GO-OH”

     I put my hand to my chest and tugged on my shirt “YOU’LL NEVER SEE ME CRAH-AI!”

     “HERE I STAND!” He stomped his foot on the ground.

     “AND HERE I’LL STAY!” I sat on the ground to show I wasn’t moving.

     “Let the storm rage onnnnn.” He walked over and turned the fan up to the highest it could go to.

     “My power flurries through the air into the grouunndddd.”

     “My soul is spiraling in frozen fractals all around!” He spun in a circle as small bits of frost flew off of him from when he stuck his head outside earlier.

     “And one thought crystalizes like an icy blassst.”

     “I’M NEVER GOING BACK─”

     “THE PAST IS IN THE PA-AH-ASSSSSTTTTT!!!” Somehow, I hit that note perfectly which earned me a laughing smile from Armin.

     “LET IT GO!”

     “LET IT GO!”

     The next part we sang together. “AND I’LL RISE LIKE THE BREAK OF DAW-AH-AWN!”

     “LET IT GO!”

     “LET IT GO-OH-OH!”

     “THAT PERFECT GIRL IS GONE!” Armin batted his eyelashes to make himself look like a girl, which surprisingly made him look like Christa.

     “HERE I STAND IN THE LIGHT OF DAY-AY-AY-AY!” I held out my arms to embrace the light from the lamp Armin just now turned on.

     “Let the storm rage OOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!” I didn’t know how he accomplished it, but he hit that note perfectly.

     I turned around to give him the sassiest look I could. “The cold never bothered me anyways.”

     After that, we both collapsed to the ground in laughter. “Dude you cannot tell anybody I did that with you!” I guffawed while clutching my sides.

     “Your secret is safe with me. I do that when I’m with Marco’s little sister.” His face fell when he realized what he just said.

     “When were you with Marco’s little sister?” I inquired.

     “Well you see…”

     “No, I don’t see. You aren’t friends with Marco, you’re friend with Jean.” When I realized what I just said, I understood what was going on. “Oh my god. You’re friends with Jean.”

     “Listen Eren I can explain just don’t tell─”

     “When were you going to tell me that you were the one who helped Jean spread those rumors about me prostituting myself?!” I scooted away from Armin, not wanting to touch him.

     “That’s not why I was with Izzy over at Marco’s house! I never told Jean about the thing with your dad I swear. I was over at Marco’s because Jean and Marco are still together!” His voice was laced with rage and pain from feeling untrusted.

     “Wait, Jean’s with Mikasa.”

     “God no he’s not! Mikasa is with Annie!” He covered his mouth as soon as he said it.

     “What?!”

     “Listen Eren, don’t hate Annie okay? You’re her best friend and I know she’s yours! Jean and Mikasa are using each other as a cover up, but the other person doesn’t know that they’re cheating on each other. I’m the only one that knows all this. Well, you do too as of now. Just you can’t spread this around, okay? Annie hasn’t taken any part of spreading the rumors. That’s Jean and Mikasa alone. Don’t take it out on Marco or Annie. They aren’t involved.” His voice came out as a choked plead. Somehow, I couldn’t get angry when he said things like that.

     “Okay well I need to clear some things up with you then.” I sighed while I leaned back on the floor.

     “I’m listening.” He grabbed the hair tie that fell on the floor when he was singing.

     “I’m not prostituting myself. I’m in a relationship.” I tensed up when I knew what he was going to ask next.

     “With who?”

     I took a deep breath in. “That’s the thing. His name is Levi. He’s the one everybody is saying I get my money from. The truth is, I’ve never had any money from him. I never ask, and he never gives it to me. I’m earning money because I have a job now. Before you ask your next question, yes. Levi is the man I have plans with at 6:30. One more thing,” I laughed a little at the next part as if it wasn’t obvious enough. “I’m hella gay.”

 

    

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had MAJOR writers block... Well it's out now! Sorry that it came out so late, I'll try to put them out more. I'm contemplating making a recollection or fic: recollection tag on tumblr, but I don't think I need it yet XD Anyways, there's not much else I have to say. Thanks for reading Recollection! Until next time~<3


	8. But Baby It's Cold Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a short fluff filled chapter, not really necessary but it had to be here. Eren spends the night at Levi's and they go out on a little date. ^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song recommendation for this chapter: Baby It's Cold Outside by Margaret Whiting and John Mercer  
> Notes at the end~

     “I’m hella gay.”

     “I kind of already knew that, Eren.” I blinked.

     “Wait, how?”

     “Think about it,” Armin started “you never got close to Mikasa, you inched away when she tried to touch you, you didn’t develop feelings for Annie even though you two are practically soul mates personality wise─”

     “Woah woah woah, hold up right there. Annie and I are like best friend soul mates, not intimate relationship soul mates.”

     “Okay fair enough.” He took a sip of his coffee that I picked up for him from Panera. “Anyways, it was obvious. I’m surprised Mikasa didn’t pick up on it. I think Marco knew too. Annie definitely knew, when she came to me about the dreams that you were having the first thing that she said was ‘I knew he was gay.’”

     My face got serious. “Seriously?”

     “Seriously.”

     “So what you’re saying is practically everybody knew I was gay even before I knew?”

     “Yeah pretty much.” He laughed.

     “Ugh this sucks. Why didn’t one of you tell me?” I chuckled under my breath.

     “None of us were positive, but the dream thing finalized it.” I gazed past Armin and saw what time it was.

     “Shit I got to go Armin. Levi and I are supposed to be at Webster’s by 6:30. Shit shit shit!” I ran upstairs and into my room. “Oh no I don’t have clothes ugh god this sucks!”

     “Eren calm down, I’ll help you pick out something.” Armin touched my arm as a way of saying ‘I’m here to help you with your fashion crisis’.

     “Thanks, Armin.” We ended up digging into my many piles of clothes to find a dark blue blazer, a light brown dress shirt, and the fanciest pair of skinny jeans I had which happened to be a dark blue slightly lighter than the blazer. Unfortunately, my hair became a mess in the process.

     “Armin where’s the hair brush?” I dug around my bed side table to see if I could find it.

     “Uhh hold up let me look, Eren.” We scurried around my room when he finally found a comb. “Will this do?”

     “Yes, thank you!” I snatched the comb from his hands and brushed my hair back to make it look somewhat neat. “Okay I’m ready to go.”

     “Well then hurry!” He laughed.

     With that, I was on my way.

* * *

 

     I ended up being a minute late.

     “Sorry I’m late. Something came up and I couldn’t find pants then I couldn’t find clothes and my hair became a mess and then─”

     Levi sighed and rustled his hand through my hair. “It’s okay, Eren.”

     I then stood up straight and walked behind him as we went to sit down. I noticed that he had a little swerve to the way he walked. I wonder why.

     As we sat down I noticed Levi smoothed some of his hair back. I couldn’t tell earlier since I was bent over apologizing and the second I stood up he was already turned around. He must of caught me staring because he raised an eyebrow at me.

     “What is it?” He tilted his head at me. Damn he was too cute.

     I nervously laughed and smiled. “You just look really nice.”

     He leaned on his hand and narrowed his eyes at me, with his mouth playing on the idea of smirking. “You look better.” I felt my face heat up slowly.

     “Oh uh thanks but I mean it’s not like I tried really hard. I should of tried harder I’m sorry agh I’m horrible I’m sorry Levi.”

     I felt his hand reach under the table and thread his fingers through mine. “Calm down, it’s okay Eren. If I expected perfection, I wouldn’t be dating anybody. I’d make a clone of myself.”

     He may be stuck up, but it helped lighten the mood a little. “Noted. I should just try to be exactly like you now, shouldn’t I?”

     “You’re too tall.” He took a sip of his wine. I had no idea how he could drink bitter things like that.

     “So you’re saying you like being short?” I questioned as I gave his fingers a little squeeze.

     “I don’t necessarily like it, but if I murderer came into my house I would have more spots to hide rather than a tall person.” He swished the liquid in the glass around a bit.

     “Aw, you’re saying you wouldn’t die with me?” I joked.

     “I’d throw myself in front of you if you were about to die.” He didn’t say it in the light-hearted tone we were using before. Now, it was dead-pan serious.

     “Well, I’m glad I’m not about to die. I don’t know what I would do if I lost you.” I stopped myself and blushed even darker than before. “Woah that sounded really cheesy, sorry.” If there’s one thing I learned about Levi, was that he hated cheesy things. Except like all other things, I was an exception.

     “Are you busy tomorrow?” He asked while folding a napkin which I learned was a nervous habit of his. He folded things a lot when he was nervous.

     “Not that I can think of, no.” I ran over the schedule in my brain and realized it was completely empty. Shocker.

     “Why don’t you come back to my place tonight? You’ve only been there in dreams before, correct?” I tensed up a little because yes, I was nervous. I mean going home with your partner that you aren’t living with normally meant sex, right? Wait but what if I’m not ready for that? What if I’m going to let him down? What if I’m going to suck? “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, I’m fine with waiting. We haven’t been like this in person very often, even if we do meet every day. It’s still a new concept for the both of us so don’t feel rushed. That’s the last thing I would want, okay?” Oh thank god.

     “How could you tell?” I asked as I tilted my head to the side subconsciously.

     “I could read it on your face. That’s my only intention though, is just to spend the night with you. Nothing more, nothing less.” I’ll have to admit, I love the way he talks to me compared to other people. I’ve heard him on the phone a couple times talking to his coworkers, and it’s a lot different than when he talks to me. Which I can understand of course, he’s not dating any of them. At least I don’t think he is.

     “Sure, I’ll stay. I’ll probably have to tell my mom I’m not coming home first so she doesn’t have a heart attack.” I glanced over at him to see his face a little agitated. At that moment I remembered Levi didn’t like over exaggerating unless he himself was the one exaggerating. “Ah, sorry. I’ll call her after dinner.”

     Levi’s expression changed, to which I was grateful for. “How’s school coming along?” The question did catch me off guard, but I recovered quickly.

     “You know, the usual. It’s okay. It could be better but hey, I can’t change it right now. Why the sudden question?” I didn’t want to talk about this, but I knew he wouldn’t let me change the topic even if I wanted to.

     “You can’t let people push you around like this. This isn’t okay, Eren. It’s okay to say no. You can’t let this keep happening.” He wasn’t angry, just stern.

     An idea popped in my head suddenly. “I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll make sure to end this next time somebody comes up to me to talk to me about this.”

     I saw his face change as he thought over the idea. “Deal.”

* * *

 

     The rest of dinner ended up being sweet and less awkward since the first time we went out together. I know that I’m a sap, but I loved being around him. He may be a cold-hearted asshole at times, but it just showed he was human.

     I ended up calling my mom (despite being half drunk, thanks to Levi.) who was completely fine with me staying the night at a “friends” house who she’s never met before. It’s not that she doesn’t care, she just can’t worry about that right now. I didn’t mind, I understood the reasons behind her actions.

     Levi’s apartment was exactly how I imagined it in the dreams. Clean yet comforting. “Make yourself at home, but don’t get anything messy.”

     I plopped myself down on his large black couch that occupied the majority of his living room leaving space for a glass coffee table, two small grey chairs, a TV, and a small plant next to the TV. It reminded me of how my house used to be. Not that it made me sad or anything, it just reminded me of my old house style.

     “Here.” He handed me a glass of what looked like Cuba Libre; as if I wasn’t feeling lightheaded already. Nevertheless, I took it.

     “Thanks.” I smiled up at him. It was weird looking up to him since he was the shorter one, I didn’t mind though. He was still my cute little Levi. I’ll never tell him that though.

     “No problem.” He sat down on the couch next to me and turned on the TV. “You don’t freak out over horror movies right?”

     “About that…” I laughed.

     “Jesus Eren you can’t be serious right now. It’s just a movie.”

     “No that’s not it!” I stammered. “It’s just in the dreams I always pictured us watching horror movies on your couch.” I covered my mouth as soon as I said it and felt a deep blush creep upon my face.

     “I was there, dumbass.” He reached up to ruffle my hair with his hand. I’m pretty sure a normal person would have gotten upset if they were called a dumbass by their partner, but I learned to appreciate the harsh little pet names he gave me. It was just something that made me adore him even more.

     “So what movie are we watching?” I took a sip of the drink and almost choked, forgetting that it was alcoholic.

     “You dork.” That was a new one. I loved it. I’m not a masochist though, I swear.

     After a couple of minutes bickering about which movie we were going to watch we decided on Silence of the Lambs. It was a bad choice. Normally I don’t have a problem with horrors or thrillers, but this was just gross. “Hey, Levi?” I piped up.

     It was like a sudden unspoken conversation. “I got it.” With that, the movie turned off.

     “That was unnecessarily disturbing…” I covered my face with my hands, as if it was a way to un-see the horror that was displayed on the screen not too long ago.

     “I don’t know why we watched that.” He picked up his glass of, well I don’t even know what the hell it was. I felt a small blush crawl up on my face as my head got progressively fuzzier.

     “Hey, Levi…” I purred while I crawled up to him. I wasn’t aware of what I was doing; but then again, I didn’t really care.

     “Eren, you’re drunk.” Levi laughed while playing with the tips of my hair.

     “No I’m not!” I laid down on his lap while puffing up my cheeks. For a second, his gaze wasn’t directed at me but instead, at the window. “What is- hic!” I covered my mouth. Okay, maybe I was a little drunk.

     “It’s snowing.” I turned my gaze over to the window and saw small little flakes of white fluff falling from the sky.

     “So it is.” I chuckled while narrowing my eyes in content. Suddenly, Levi moved my head from off his lap and walked over to his cd player. “What’re you doing?” I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

     “Come here for a second.” He waved his hand at me while leaning on the frame of the shelf that held most of his stereo system. Somehow, I managed to stumble over to the couch next to him.

     “What is it?” I cocked my head to the side and raised my eye brow. In the next moment, a smooth jazz tune flooded through the living room.

     “Let’s dance.” He took my hand and spun me around to the middle of the living room. After a couple seconds of swinging back and forth, I recognized the song. It was “Baby Its Cold Outside” by Margaret Whiting and John Mercer, the perfect song for a night like this.

     The next glance I stole at the window I noticed that it was coming down even harder than before. Levi must have noticed how bad it was outside because in the next minute he looked up at me and asked “how are you going to get home?”

     “I’m not really sure.” I laughed while pulling him a little closer to me. “I’m not sure if I’m going to go home.”

     “Oi, don’t get ahead of yourself brat.” Levi laid his head on my chest as we continued to sway back and forth while the song repeated itself once it ended.

     “Would you prefer if I asked politely to stay here?” I inquired while raising my eyebrow.

     “The answer will be the same whether you ask or not.”

     “I’ll take that as a yes then.” I snickered while spinning him in a circle. “What if the storm doesn’t clear up for the next week?” I leaned my face down close to his.

     Levi pressed his forehead against mine gently. “The alcohol is really getting to your head.”

     “Aye, rude.”

     “It’s the truth.”

     “Mhmm.” I closed my eyes and linked my fingers between his.

     “Isn’t it odd,” he started “how things turned out like this?”

     “What do you mean?” I asked confusedly.

     “Well if you think about it, we never would be here dancing together like this if one of us didn’t have dreams. Or if one of us didn’t remember the dreams, everything would be the same. I would still be going to work like an exhausted adult, you would still be in school learning all those boring lessons from professor Oluo.

     More importantly, I never would have found those little things to look forward to each day. I would most likely still be agitated with everybody’s opinions and attitudes. I wouldn’t be thinking ‘I wonder when I get to see him later.’ Or I wouldn’t be thinking ‘I wonder if he’s doing alright.’ This may all seem like a bit much, but I’m really glad things happened in the way that they did. I’m glad I got to meet you, Eren. I’m so glad I was able to dream and I was able to be with you. I don’t know what I would have done if Hanji was in my dreams instead of you.” His voice cracked a little when he said that but laughed it off since it wasn’t actually a serious thought. “My point is, I’m glad you’re here. I couldn’t be any happier.”

     Levi gazed up at me with those sharp grey-blue eyes of his with gentleness. Oh how it made my heart melt. For a second I thought he expected me to say something back but he just laid his head back on my chest as we swayed to the beat of the music and the fall of the snowflakes. It truthfully was a magical night.

* * *

 

     The morning was not so magical however. “Good morning Levi.” I sat up while holding my head, noticing that I was alone in his big grey bed.

     “Morning, Jaeger.” He walked in with two cups of coffee. One cup had a little dog on it with a smile and a tail that wagged back and forth while the other had a cat who looked quite pissed off. “Here.” He handed me the cup with the dog on it.

     “It’s not black, right?”

     “God. No. I know how you are about your coffee, princess.” Apparently he was agitated this morning.

     “Don’t call me that.” I looked up at him while blowing the steam off my coffee then taking a sip. “What time is it anyways?” He glanced at his watch.

     “It’s about 9:54. Do you have school today? Or work?” He took a sip of his all-too-dark coffee. I would never understand how he drank that, or why he held his cup so awkwardly like he did.

     “If I had work I wouldn’t be here.” I mumbled while setting my cup down on his bedside table (on a coaster, of course) and rolling out of bed. Levi nodded his head in acknowledgement.

     “What about school?”

     “Nope. It’s a Sunday isn’t it? Even if it’s not, I can take a day or two off of school.” I strode over to the dresser and slid off my pajama pants.

     “Well that’s a great view for the morning.” Levi snickered while taking another sip of his coffee. I quickly grabbed a pair of pants and shoved them onto my two tan legs and covered my face as an attempt to hide the blush.

     “Y-you idiot!” I wobbled over to the closet next and opened it to see if I had anything to wear on this cold winter day. Suddenly, an idea struck me. “Hey, Levi?” I turned to him while holding my hands behind my back and gave him the biggest puppy eyes I could.

     “What is it, brat?” He leaned against the doorway uninterested and then set his cup on the top of the dresser, declaring that it was done.

     “Come here for a second.” I beckoned him over with my finger and tried to give him the most seductive look I could.

     “What do you nee-AH!” He fell right into my trap. I held him on the ground with one hand and tried to use all my remaining weight to pin down his hips with my own. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

     “Hold on a second! I’m not going to hurt you. Just sit still…” I grabbed an oversized sweater that said “POW!” Written in the middle with a black and white polka dotted sleeve on the right arm and a blue and red striped sleeve on the left arm. Quickly, I slid it on him then rolled off of him.

     I won’t describe the kind of intense orgasm I had next when Levi stood up because he was literally too damn cute in his black jeans and this oversized sweater that barely clung to his body and was drooping off one shoulder. “Damn you, Jaeger.”

     “Hold on stay still.” I ran quickly to the bedside table to unplug my phone from the charger base then ran over right in front of Levi.

     “No. I am not taking a picture in this sweater. Absolutely not.” He crossed his arms which looked rather comical since he was a short midget (approximately 5’3”) in an oversized sweater trying to sass me, a boy who was 5’9”. It was hard to control my laughter, really.

     “For me?” I gave him puppy eyes again and clapped my hands together with my phone in between my palms.

     “No.”

     “Too bad.” I smiled then kissed his cheek and swung next to him then snapped a photo before he could protest.

     “Delete it!” Alright, maybe Levi was a little mad.

     “I’m just keeping it between us.” I blew a kiss at him then tucked my phone in my pocket. I decided I should probably put a shirt on so I returned in front of the closet to browse through all the clothes he had.

     “Why do you even have a sweater like this anyways and why is this one of the rare pieces of clothing I let you keep at my house?” He walked over to me, clutching his coffee. Huh, I guess he wasn’t done with it. It was strange to me because Levi absolutely despised cold drinks unless it was water. At least that’s what I’ve noticed so far.

     “My ex-girlfriend had a lot of clothes at my house since she was close with my family and she had a little bit of family problems. I had known her for a while so whenever something would happen she would come over but she would always have to borrow my mom’s clothes. After quite a bit of time, my mom decided that she should just keep her stuff in the extra room in our house in case she ever needed to stay the night out of the blue. I guess my mom just figured she would be more comfortable in her own clothes rather than somebody else’s.” I explained cautiously while picking out a long sleeve gray sweater with weird black and white designs on it.

     “That still doesn’t explain why you have it and why it’s not at your house.” He sat himself down on his bed then crossed his legs and sipped a little bit more of his coffee, which resulted in him making a hilarious face of disgust.

     “Well you see, when we broke up she came by later that day and said that she wanted her stuff back. Apparently she was crying and my mom asked what was wrong-“

     “You weren’t there?” He cut in.

     “Nope. I was out doing my own thing.” _By my own thing, I was tracking YOU down._ “Anyways, she was crying, mom asked what was wrong, then she snapped and said ‘YOU CAN KEEP EVERYTHING. FUCK ALL OF YOU.’ Then stormed out. So that’s why I have her clothes. I also have a lot of her underwear if you’re into that thing.” I winked suggestively at him which earned me an eye roll.

     “I’ll let you know if I ever want you to dress up in lingerie.”

     “Oh you’re too kind, giving me a heads up.” I teased.

     “Back to the topic at hand, I’m wearing your ex’s clothes?” He sounded a little disgusted more than upset.

     “Just her sweater. She dressed like a boy so it’s not that big of an issue. You can take it off if you want.” I’ll admit, I was a little disappointed; but if that’s what makes him comfortable then he could take it off.

     “Does it make you happy for me to wear it?” _OF COURSE, YES!_

“It makes me happy because you’re so damn cute in it.” I walked in front of him then smiled down at him on the puffy white blankets of the bed.

     “I was considering leaving it on but then you just had to call me cute.” He started to slide his arm out of the striped sleeve.

     “Sorry. Will you keep it on?” I kneeled in front of him then rested my head on his lap and gave him huge puppy eyes one last time.

     “Fine.” He slid his arm back into the sleeve. “That eye trick isn’t going to work forever, you know.”

     “But it’s working right now, isn’t it?” Levi tilted my head up and kissed me softly then pulled away, careful to not start anything since I told him I wasn’t very interested in a physical relationship yet which he was very understanding of.

     “Yeah, it’s working.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I can't make an excuse for how long I haven't updated. I am really sorry. Oh well, anyways! I made a recollection/fic:recollection tag on tumblr because, why not? XD Also if you want to see the sweater Levi wore, here it is: http://lovetokki.com/products/4598431-pow-sweater . Also, I made Eren 5'9" instead of 5'6" because I figured since he's older now he might as well be taller. Anyways, until next time~  
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> The angst is coming.


	9. Yours Truly, Carla Jaeger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi head over to meet Carla for some tea and they plan for Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song Recommendation for this chapter: Please Don't Leave Me by P!nk  
> Notes at the end~

     The rest of the day was unnecessarily calm. Not to say that I didn’t enjoy it, in fact I found it rather nice. “Eren, What do you prefer, staying inside watching TV or going out to go shopping?” Levi asked while he was attempting to put away the dishes on the highest shelf. (Needless to say, it was adorable since he was still in the sweater from earlier.)

     “Would this influence our plans for today?” I walked up from behind him and wrapped my arms around him to pull him into a hug.

     “Possibly. Did you have something else in mind?” He set down the plate he had in his hand as a way of giving up for trying to put it on the top shelf. After he set it down I picked it up and slid it into the light brown cupboard.

     “I have no idea how you lived without me.” I joked while bending down to kiss his cheek then returning to putting the dishes away.

     “I wouldn’t put stuff on the top shelf. I suppose it’s just a way of trying to see if I’ve grown anymore. I know it’s dumb but it’s a way for me to feel good about myself and keep sane without hurting myself. It’s just a control thing, you know?” It may not have made sense to other people, but to me it was all too familiar. When you feel like you’re losing everything, you start to look for little things in life that you know will always stay constant and not suddenly change.

     “Levi, you’re almost thirty. You’re not going to get any taller.” I snuggled my face into his neck and hugged him one last time.

     “You’re too cuddly, brat.”

     “I don’t hear you complaining.” I threw him one of my award-winning smiles which earned me an agitated look. Normally, people would feel hurt or disrespected by agitated looks from their partners but when it came to Levi, I lived for those looks. It was just one of the things that made Levi… Levi.

     “Back to the topic. What are our plans for today?” He asked while pouring himself a dark hot liquid. I couldn’t tell if it was tea or coffee. Suddenly, an idea struck me.

     “Hey Levi, you’ve never met my mom. Want to?” The look on his face was one I will treasure forever.

     “Shouldn’t these things be planned? I’m sure your mom is busy and probably has other concerns right now than meeting her son’s boyfriend-“

     “I love it when you call me that.” My heart fluttered in my chest. I am such a girl.

     “Tch. Anyways, shouldn’t this be planned?” I leaned back against the counter casually while he took another sip of his drink.

     “Nah, my mom is pretty relaxed about these kinds of things. If I call her I’m sure she’ll agree to meet you. Are you just nervous?” I teased while a smirk tugged at my lips.

     “No. I just want to make sure it’s alright, doing this out of the blue.” He set his cup down then sighed.

     “You’re so polite.” I smiled while hugging him again.

     “Oi, what do you take me for? A teddy bear?”

     “Precisely.”

* * *

 

     My mom ended up being completely fine with meeting Levi later, just like I said she would. However, she was a bit upset with me about how I dated Levi practically right after I broke up with Mikasa. It’s not like Mikasa and I were actually dating though. She’s like my sister. Thinking back to it, I realized how weird that must have been for other people to see.

     “So you’re sure she’s fine with it?” Levi asked warily.

     “I’m positive! You need to calm down a little, she’s just my mom.” I laughed while ruffling his hair, to which he got rather upset at.

     “I’m perfectly calm. Also, she’s the lady who gave birth to you. It’s a bigger deal than you may think.” Levi stood in front of the mirror while fixing the plaid shirt he used as a replacement for the POW! Sweater. (To which I made him promise to put back on immediately once we returned home.)

     “I guess it is. Ready to go?” I started to walk out the door while Levi analyzed the room to make sure nothing was out of place then fetched his keys from the night stand.

     “As ready as I’ll ever be.” He turned off the lights then held my hand while entwining our fingers.

     “Oh yeah, our house may look bad from the inside but we’re really trying to clean it up the best we can. I understand if it may make you a bit uncomfortable but-“

     “Eren, listen. I don’t care what kind of house you have. That’s not why I care about you as much as I do. My affection for you isn’t caused by your clothes, your money, your social status, where you work, or what kind of household you live in. I adore you because you’re kind, you somehow always manage to pull off a look even if it’s the most hideous piece of clothing you’ll ever see in your life, you know what’s right and you stand up for that opinion, and you have a driving power to get things done. You carry this sort of determination with you that always influences others to follow whatever dream or go through with any goal they may have.

     You’re an amazing person, Eren. Social status, houses, money, and clothes don’t define you. Your heart does. You don’t get worked up over things, and you’re lenient for when people mess up. You take the guilt for everything bad that happens around you which causes you to get angry at things that aren’t just worth it. Somehow, I love that part about you too. If somebody were to ask me two years ago who I pictured myself with, it most likely wouldn’t have been you. Don’t misinterpret this, however. I pictured somebody who was dull, boring, and didn’t really care about what I did to myself or if I slept around. That seemed like the perfect person to me back then. Of course, I was wrong.

     Then you came alone and you changed my entire view of how things works and what true affection really is. You helped me see that it’s okay to get close to people and to trust them. You’re like a little ray of sunshine that everybody wants to have a piece of. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t care what kind of background you have. I love you for who you are now, and I’m sure meeting your mom and going into your house will be an amazing experience. Not because I get to spend more time with you outside of the house, but because I get to see sides of you that I’ve never seen before. So really, it’s okay Eren.” I felt tears start to form in my eyes. _Oh calm down Eren, you don’t need to be such an emotional sap over this._

“Thank you, Levi.” I smiled as I gave his hand a small tight squeeze.

     “You don’t need to thank me, it’s the truth.” We walked over to the apartment door and he turned the knob to open it. “Now then,” he started “shall we?”

* * *

 

     When we got to my house, it was a bit surprising seeing somebody not freak out about what kind of ghetto neighborhood I lived in. My mom was surprised to see us too, even though we told her we were coming. Honestly, I think she was surprised about how short Levi is. Nevertheless, she welcomed him in with open arms.

     “So how old are you, Levi?” My mom asked while pouring us a cup of tea.

     “Twenty four, and thank you for the tea. You have a very nice house, Ms. Jaeger.” I could tell he wasn’t lying when he said that the house was nice because one: the inside was really nice, two: his voice didn’t waver or hesitate to say the words.

     “Oh you’re too kind. You’re four years older than Eren then.” She turned to me and gave me a warm smile.

     “Yes I am. What kind of tea is this? I really like it.” Levi analyzed his cup to see if he could find out what kind of tea was inside.

     “Oh I made it myself. When I was a young girl, I was taught how to crush up leaves and turn it into tea. It’s a homemade chai tea, if you like it I could send some over with Eren some time.” She gave Levi a warm motherly smile now, when she did I saw Levi relax ever so slightly. He better not be falling in love with my mom. “Anyways, tell me about yourself. How did you meet my dork of a son?” My face turned dark red.

     “Mom! I’m not a dork!” That remark earned me a little snicker from Levi. I turned to him quickly. “What, you think I’m a dork too?” He raised his eyebrows and shrugged as if trying not to laugh. “Fine. Whatever.” I rolled my eyes and took a sip of the tea.

     “It’s actually interesting how we met.” He began calmly.

     “Do tell.” My mother leaned on her hands, interested with what story he had yet to tell.

     “It may not sound true but hear me out.” Then, he began to tell the tale of how we met from his perspective.

     “Then when I saw him in the park. My heart stopped. Not in a bad way of course, I just thought ‘the man of my dreams is really here. Right in front of me.’ Then I thought ‘shit he really is taller than me.’ That doesn’t matter though. Eren’s perfect just the way he is.” That last sentence got both me and my mom choked up. Of course I had asked Levi before what it was like finally meeting me, but it was different hearing him tell the tale to somebody else from his perspective. I wish I could explain how grateful I am that I have somebody like him, but no words can describe how much I adore that short little French man. To anybody else, it may not seem like our relationship was really well formed and it’s too early to jump to conclusions of love.

      Honestly, that’s not the case at all. I had been having the dreams for years and years. It’s practically like I grew up with him. Of course we didn’t figure out until later that we were actually communicating in the dreams until about a year ago but still, he was always on my mind. Imagine being able to see somebody you love every single night but never being able to be with them. At this point, I don’t care what anybody says about making accusations about our relationship; I loved him and that was that.

     “So Eren really wasn’t lying.” My mom chuckled to herself while holding her head in her hands. Then, she began to cry. I can’t explain why. She wouldn’t say anything when I reached out to try to comfort her. All she said was “I’m sorry.”

     My mom bid us a nice farewell and thanked us for coming while saying that she hopes she will be able to see Levi again someday. With that, we left.

* * *

 

     I hadn’t been living at my house lately since I didn’t want to cause stress on my mom so I just house hopped. If it wasn’t obvious enough, my favorite house to stay at was Levi’s. It wasn’t my favorite because he was in it… well that’s not necessarily true. I also just loved how clean it was. Speaking of his apartment, Christmas was coming up.

     “Hey Levi, what are you doing for Christmas?” I leaned on his shoulder while he adjusted the sleeves to the POW! sweater (as promised.)

     “Nothing in particular. Hanji is probably going to stop by every year with Mike and their horrible Christmas traditions.” When I looked up at his face it seemed to reflect the horror of Christmas traditions.

     “Well,” I begin “let’s change that up!” He looked down at me.

     “What do you propose?” He raised his eyebrow.

     “We go out to dinner, candlelit of course because why not, then we head back and get really drunk. After we’re totally wasted, we watch cheesy Christmas movies- the Claymation ones, then after that we listen to Christmas music and fall asleep by the fire.” It was really cheesy, but it sounded like something that would be enjoyable.

     “That actually sounds nice. I’m game for doing that if you are.” Honestly, I couldn’t wait for doing small cheesy things with Levi. Lovey-dovey things aren’t that bad once you actually experience them.

     “Oh speaking of holidays, when’s your birthday?” I turned to look up at him and laid my head on his chest.

     “Birthdays aren’t holidays, dumbass.” I shrugged. “Well, it’s December 25th.” Wait.

     “Your birthday is on Christmas?!” Poor Levi, he probably never got any presents.

     “Yeah, I suppose it is. Don’t make a big deal about it though. It’s just my birthday.” He wrapped his arm around me and then picked up his glass to drink whatever strange liquid was in the cup.

“JUST your birthday? Oh no. No no no. Birthdays are days where you get to celebrate your birth into this wonderful world. If you never were born, I’d still be dating an over protective girl who’s practically my sister which is just… wrong. Anyways that’s beside the issue. The point is, if it wasn’t for your birthday… I wouldn’t have you. Does that make sense?”

     “Eren I don’t think you understand but my birthday really isn’t that big of a-“

     “Your birthday is my favorite day of the year.” I interrupted. “And I’m not ashamed to say it. So we’re going to celebrate both your birthday and Christmas, alright?”

     “Alright.”

* * *

 

     Christmas approached at a much faster speed than anticipated, so we only had a couple days to prepare for it. Unfortunately, Hanji did stop by with Mike. “Come on Levi let’s go get a tree!”

     “No.” He crossed his arms in the oversized ugly Christmas sweater Hanji forced upon him.

     “Aw, why not?” She begged while setting down her coffee.

     “It isn’t necessary to have one.” Levi closed his eyes then leaned on the back of the couch.

     “Hanji has a point, Levi.” I smiled at him cautiously, careful not to step over any boundaries or piss him off even more than Hanji has. Obviously, I got a nasty glare from him due to my comment. “Okay nevermind.” Mike sat in the corner quietly as usual, listening to the conversation and sniffing things.

     “We don’t need a tree. I can get a flower or a bush. I don’t do presents anyways so why does it matter?” He stood up and walked over to the kitchen in frustration. I learned that when he was stressed out he always grabbed a cigarette. I didn’t like it very much since smoking isn’t healthy, so he never got himself worked up to the point to have to grab a cigarette. However, when Hanji was around it was almost inevitable.

     “Levi doesn’t do presents?” I asked curiously while turning to Hanji.

     “He never has. Mike and I get him gifts but they just go in one of his locked up closets. Maybe if you tried to get him something he might kindly accept it without burning it or throwing it into a storage area.” She laughed a little then held a sloppy smile.

     “He burns your presents?!” I exclaimed.

     “No, I was kidding. But try to get him something, maybe he’ll like it since it’s from you. You are the man of his dreams after all.” She winked. I rolled my eyes at her.

     “I’ll think about it.” The truth is, I had already thought about it. A lot. I didn’t have a lot of money which was the main issue. I also had to quit the job at the coffee shop because it was way too early for me to be working; I couldn’t catch up on my studies which Levi insisted that keeping up with school was something I had to do. I did however find another job that worked out with my schedule.

     My new job was at a small bookstore that was fairly quiet so it wasn’t the hardest place to study in. I earned more working there than at the coffee shop anyways so it was a win-win situation.

     Anyways, I had already got one present for Levi. It’s a small bottle (travel size to be exact) of Windex since I realized he had a soft spot for Windex. I’ll admit, it was a little strange but it was one of the things that made him Levi. We all have our strange quirks, right?

     When Levi came back in with his cigarette Mike had already fallen asleep in the reclining chair. “Are you going to leave soon?” He asked while sitting on the other end of the side, careful not to get too close to me while smoking.

     “I’ll leave when you get a tree.”

     “I don’t want a damn tree.” I could tell Levi was really starting to get agitated. He was running his fingers through his hair and drawing in long breaths.

     “Hanji I’m getting rather tired myself. Plus Mike is already passed out. It’s late anyways… I’ll convince him to get a tree, alright?” I begged while clinging to the end of the couch.

     “Okay.” She walked over to Mike and threw him over her shoulder. _Damn._ “See you guys later.” Then, she left.

     “Levi.” I turned to him quickly as soon as I heard the door click.

     “I’m going to bed.” He stood up abruptly.

     “No, we’re going to talk about this.” I stood up and followed him.

     “No we’re not.” He obviously was trying to get away.

     “Do you think I don’t know how it feels to be completely stressed out and wanting to hide? You can’t hide, Levi. I know how much it sucks to feel like you’re having a breakdown and you just want to cut up your body until you bleed out but you can’t do that. We just have to-“Suddenly my phone started ringing. “Hold on.” I didn’t mean to be rude, but nobody really called me at this hour unless it was important. “Hello?” I answered.

     “Hey, Eren. It’s Mikasa. We need to talk.” Why the fuck was she calling me?

     “Hey um I’m kind of busy right now.” I looked over at Levi who had his arms crossed on his chest and was tapping his foot. “Can we talk later?”

     “Eren it’s about your mom.” I held up a finger to Levi as to say ‘one second’ then sat down on the couch with my hands on my knees.

     “Okay, what about her?” Without thinking, I began to rock back and forth.

     “Well Armin stopped by your house earlier since he thought you were home and he was having a problem with gym and I don’t know it was a weird thing that only you could help him on. Anyways, nobody answered but there was a car in the driveway so Armin just let himself in to see if anybody was there. When he got in all the lights were on which was fine and the TV was on in the other room so he walked in there since he thought you were watching TV and you didn’t hear him. But that wasn’t the case as you’re aware…”

     “Okay, what happened?” I started to breath faster which Levi noticed. He put out his cigarette then sat down next to me and listened to the phone by my ear.

     “Your mom was sleeping on the couch.”

     “So? She sleeps there all the time.” I laughed a little.

     “Eren she wasn’t sleeping.” I froze.

     “What do you mean? You just said she was sleeping.”

     “Your mom killed herself Eren. I’m so sorry. There were painkillers scattered across the floor and she left a note. I have it right here if you want me to read it to you.” _This couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening. My mom is fine. Mikasa is just messing with me. This is a dream. It’s not real. Everything is okay._

“Yeah okay. Go ahead and read it.” I scoffed while clutching the fabric of my jeans.

     Mikasa took a deep breath in. “Dear Eren, at least I hope it’s Eren who reads this. Actually, I don’t. I don’t want him to find me. So let me start over.

Dear whoever finds this.

     I am writing this letter because I feel like you deserve an explanation. Although life was very beautiful for me and I was blessed with such an amazing child… My world grew to be very dark. I tried to hang on. I really did. I just got so lonely and I knew there wasn’t going to be enough money or food for me to survive for at least another year. I was afraid to tell Eren this because I didn’t want him to work harder than he already was. I really loved Eren. He made my days less painful. I don’t blame him for going out and meeting friends. In fact, I’m glad he made friends and got happier. It was hard having him be so depressed. That’s beside the point.

     I wish I could have been stronger. I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there for anybody. I’m sorry I was so useless. In the end, I just got left behind. I’m sorry I’m so weak. Maybe in another life, I won’t be as weak. I promise, I’ll be stronger for everybody. Thank you all for gently supporting me even if it wasn’t good enough.

     Yours truly, Carla Jaeger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Here's where it's going to start to get bad after this. I apologize in advance.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my first fanfiction! Levi will be introduced later, so do not fret my Riren/Ereri shippers! :) Not sure if shippers was the right word to use there, it's a little dorky... anyways thank you so much! Sorry for the OC if that made you guys a little angry, I promise she won't be that big of a character, unless you want to see more of her. Also, I'll be referencing to other fanfictions through out the series so see if you can catch them! (Some will be obvious, others will not.) Well thanks again! Until next time~


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